Good morning Seeking. Just thought I'd check in on a few friends before Church this morning. There will be good days and bad, but sooner than later the good will outnumber and win.
Reverend Gary resets my compass for me every Sunday, and that seems to set the tone for my week. Superstitious, I know, but he truly seems to right on the money. Perhaps not superstitious, perhaps heaven sent.
The load will get lighter as time moves along. You are going to be okay. Yes, you had a few signs, but he's not matured enough to work on himself and his issues. You've learned the lessons well and have grown by leaps and bounds. Your h has a ways to go and no one can help him except the man above.
SA, take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The signs are/were there. IMO, it is the consistency of the signs that we MUST see in order to believe they are more than just a moment of clarity.
Each one of us has a different breaking point. Each one of us has a different moment when we finally "let go". No one can tell you what it is, and as I believe you have learned, reconciling that within yourself, is harder than all that leads up to that point.
You are on a good path and no one knows what the future will bring. My hope for you is that it is something WONDERFUL.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Each one of us has a different moment when we finally "let go". No one can tell you what it is, and as I believe you have learned, reconciling that within yourself, is harder than all that leads up to that point.
Thank you, Cat. I agree with this wholeheartedly, and there is no doubt when you reach that point.
There were times I thought I had before, but then realized I was still attached because something H said or did made me spin. I was still aboard the rollercoaster. I'm finally off and getting my land legs back, and it feels good!
Thank you my friend, for being there, and for your well wishes.
Well, today H responded to the email I sent him on Sat. He is very angry and didn't hold back about me getting a L. He also let loose on everything I ever did that PO him in the last 30 years.
Admittedly, some of it would have devastated me before this. Those are things I've worked on. Some of them I've laid to rest, others I continue to work on.
H resorted to threats about how the kids wouldn't have Christmases from him, or clothes, or get to go out for 100 dollar a pop movie and lunch.
There were a couple things I called him on. I also told him he has to live with the consequences of his choices, just the same as I do.
He told me he didn't wish me any ill will but he'd better stop there before he started to.
SA - I'm sorry H is spewing...no matter how we let go...it still hurts, specially when he is treating to punish the children by not giving them Xmas presents?????...come on....is he saying this because he is afraid that you "bleed him dry?" is he afraid of lawyers?...the lawyer is there to make sure the contact is solid and makes sure your rights are protected....what's wrong with that....why is he so afraid of that?
Sorry you have to deal with him like this
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
SA, What an @ss! He's trying to bully and scare you into calling off your lawyer. Trust me, his threats will only hurt him in the long run. Let him stew in his pot for a while.
Just remember, his issues are not about you...he's got to learn to face the consequences of his actions. Stay the course and whatever you do, do not waffle when it comes to your lawyer and what you need to live on for both you and your children.
I'm very sorry about his behavior, but I'm not surprised.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
With my H it's all about money. As far as he's concerned he worked for it and it's his. He always was generous when he had the money, but if he didn't we just didn't get the extras. I totally understood that.
In all his MLC selfishness, what I did in being at home and raising the kids or having jobs that worked around that so I could continue raising them doesn't mean squat to H.
He talked about how S24 was being a childish @ss because he no longer wants anything to do with his Dad. He talked about how he resented taking in my infant nephew and said how he wished he had never allowed that. (Nephew had money come in from his mother and the state, H didn't totally support him) He said he did it because I was depressed because of my miscarriage. My miscarriage happened after we already knew we were taking him in.
He said he didn't plan on having two more after we took in nephew. I called BS on that because we jumped through hoops, both of us, to go to a fertility clinics and find out why I kept having miscarriages (4). When I finally got pregnant with D18, we jumped through hoops again to make sure I maintained the pregnancy.
I told him that yes, I went against his wishes when I found out about the pregnancy with D12 and wouldn't abort her. I told him I will never apologize for that.
There were a few things that I let him have it on. I also told him there would be spousal main, too. I figured he may as well get used to the idea.
Snodderly, I told him there are consequences for his choices just like there are for mine. I have no intention of backing down. There are things I will negotiate on, others I will not. I will see to my children just as I always have, and I will protect myself. He lives in a two income house. Ow's income will make up for what he is losing for a few years.
He's getting what he wanted, why can't he be happy?
