Okay I really need to recover some sense of dignity and self control here. What a mess I just created!
So. Back to basics. State management 101. Questions determine focus. Ask a better question, get a better focus, feeling, action and result.
What is GREAT about this COLOSSAL BLUNDER I have made? What is GREAT about all the mistakes that I made in our conversation? What is GREAT about the absurd errors in judgment that I showed?
Drop and give me 10:
1. I was honest and passionate in my response.\
2. I finally started getting some important things off my chest and putting them on the table for her to see and discuss if ever she is ready. Even if she doesn't, I've spoken up for myself.
3. I read her right when she unconsciously warned me about telling her my heart had skipped a beat. She was actually to tread carefully and at least I heard her before bulldozing my way right on through her. Tiny tiny positive in comparison, but a positive nonetheless.
4. I have massively reinforced the value and effectiveness of being patient, never pressuring her in any way, and being her best friend ESPECIALLY when times are so very tough for both of us.
5. I am sure I will learn many more things from this fiasco that will help me become a better husband, friend, lover and partner to a woman in the future, be it my current wife or not.
6. SHE WAS ONLY TEXTING ME TO THANK ME! It was the simplest thing! She was in such a happy place with me - so once again I am reinforcing the need to be fully present and appreciative every waking moment.
7. Every moment is a gift. Even this pain is for my growth. The pain is not there to hurt me. It is there to make me more aware.
8. I started to see the reality of some things that she's been doing that I really do not like. And this is really key. I have been ignoring even denying certain things that about her that don't work well for me. Truth is she is the most amazing woman I have met so there really isn't much I don't adore about her...but maybe I really do want and deserve something more.
9. All of this validates my desire to express myself and be heard for exactly who I am, and to be seen and loved for being nobody else but me no matter where I'm at.
10. I am becoming ever closer and more attuned to understanding my wife's needs, and she has already told me I am the most thoughtful, creative and understanding person she has ever met.
BONUS* Despite her saying "You are NOT the one for ME!!!" This amazing woman still counts me as her best friend in the world.
Bonus question: I am already alone, I have already felt the overwhelming pain of loss, I know that if worse comes to worse I can always use my divorce as a a catalyst for an extraordinary quality of life, so what am I so afraid of?
Turn the beat around Love to hear percussion Turn it upside down Love to hear percussion Love to hear it Love to hear it' Love to hear it Love to hear it
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
