Sorry about the living arrangement. It scuks. As far as playing into his hands by saying you did not want him in pain, yada yada, I believe you did. They are in in the right frame of mind to appreciate what you are trying to say, only that you do as they want and make it your fault, not theirs. And playing you off against the OW? THAT would send me over the edge.
It's not a competition where he is the prize. It's a marriage that he is risking destroying. Just sayin'
