The load will get lighter as time moves along. You are going to be okay. Yes, you had a few signs, but he's not matured enough to work on himself and his issues. You've learned the lessons well and have grown by leaps and bounds. Your h has a ways to go and no one can help him except the man above.
SA, take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
