You know what though, she just might have the idea that you don't trust her (maybe it's even a juvenile joke?) and hence her queries about what you said etc.
I was wondering about this. If she was an OW she would want to know if she could talk freely or if I was around.
On the other hand, I'm 99.9% sure that she knows that I've suspected her of being an OW.
You see, way back before Monkey and I separated, I came home to find out he was leaving to go to lunch with her, I'll refer to her as "A"...just the 2 of them. I freaked, demanded he stay home. He invited me to come along and see that they were just friends. Now, I would do that, then I just demanded that he stay home. He said, "Ok, I'll stay, but I'm going to go tell her."
Then he went out and got into her car and off they went to lunch.
When I realized what he had done, I called A's cell phone. She hung up on me.
I called up the girl who became his roomate, sobbing hysterically. I asked her to call A and have Monkey call me back. I asked her if A and Monkey were having an affair. She responded, "I honestly don't know."
In my own defense, all pre-DB.
So, yes, I'm pretty sure that Monkey's roomate told A about my phone calls and accusations.
So, maybe she enjoys thinking of herself as a threat to someone's marriage. Maybe she likes seeing herself as a seductress.
Can I just go ahead and ASSume that her interests with my husband is because she gets a thrill out of feeling powerful and seductive?
If this is the case, it would be smart of me, to not act like I see her as a threat.
Especially after the conversation my husband and I had.
Once she realizes that I no longer see her as a threat, she'll lose that feeling of being powerful and seductive and maybe back off in her behaviour. Or perhaps I'm seeing her bevaviour as innapropriate only because of my fears...dunno.
The only fact that I have is that there is nothing romantic, they are truly just friends.
I guess her motivations, shouldn't matter to me...DBing my husband and myself is the only thing that matters.
Shiny you also said:
What's MUCH more important is that you 180'd your response...you displayed the hurt, you reminded him (DUH!!) of how this was a trigger for some pretty MAJOR hurts from the past.
And he empathized...the feeling was right, right? You sensed his sincerity? All good...and let's hope he's taking notes on "what not to do" in the future!!
Yes, he was absolutly sincere.
I'm a little concerned that he'll do what he's done in the past tho...and that's be even more sneaky in an attempt to not hurt my feelings.
It's the sneakiness that sends up red flags!
I'm thinking that I should praise him. Tell him, "thank you for being so open and honest. It really helped me feel reassured and safe."
Or should I come right out and say, "Please don't think that you need to hide the time you talk to A or hang out with her. You did a great job reassuring me, and it would break my heart if you felt like you had to sneak in order to protect my feelings."
Whacha think?
Thanks Shiny and Kitti for your thoughtful posts...gave me lots to think about!
