When you suffer something like this, it is wise to avoid situations that could be dangerous.
I don’t like your wording here though. You were a victim. Yes I agree.
Are you still a victim…
Or…
Are you a survivor?
There is a difference you know.
What is glaring to me is that I need to work on the verbal abuse I went through as a kid.
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How did that work out for you?
It didn't, that's why I came here.
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So this shouldn’t sting anymore, but you still resent it a bit, right?
You're damn straight I do. My h can't be bothered to lift the lid on his laundry basket. I do it everyday. He has sat in a lawn chair and watched me cut the grass. If I didn't take out the trash it would sit there for months until I take it out. He doesn't take his plate to the sink. It's getting old, real quick. In fact, it's starting to p!ss me off.
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So another one that turned out to be a bit true…
What do you do when you can’t agree now? Why are you so lenient with the kids?
Did you really learn what he needed, which was your support, or did you just wait until you were in private to disagree with him?
I know we have to trust our children. However there is nothing wrong with setting limitations until they earn a bit more. Until they show a maturity level that proves they can handle situations.
Rae, you protected your D. From the abuse and from herself and I am not saying you made the wrong decisions, but you think him trying to protect her from teenage boys, is over protection…
Why are you choices better than his?
Are they really?
I'm a pretty strict mom, actually. They would fall over to hear me called lenient.
He never lets D16 leave the house. D16 has zero freedom right now. For the time being, I support whatever he says, which is ALWAYS no. If she hate his guts, that's his problem. I am done trying to mediate between them.
It's lenient to think it's ok for an almost 17 year old to go to McDonald's with her friends? All girls? What gave you the idea that I want any of my girls to date period?
D15 was allowed to go to the movies with her female friend who is 18 and is staying the night with her.
Isn't it interesting though that the other kids can usually do things within reason? It's only her that he argues with. Only her that he criticizes. I'm noticing that I only undermine him when it comes to her.
D16 and D15 have never smoked, never drank alcohol, never had sex. Why the difference?
She's convinced that he hates her bc of the time lost with his dad. I'm running out of words to defend him.
I had girls night at a friends house and I received a text from her saying...
mom, I know that dad has had a hard time losing his dad, but he is so mean that I am starting to hate him. Really hate him. I'm done.
I am no longer willing to pay for his parents sins.
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So he focuses on the cats instead of the dogs? Something smells a little fishy here.
Do you have some resentment over the dog?
It should be pretty obvious to anyone who reads one of my posts that I absolutely love cats. Love them. H dealt with them, even when we had 20 at one time.
BF, nope. Hates cats. So what to do? Is a cat, really really worth a relationship with another person?
Not so sure that it is.
Is this really the deal breaker Rae? Or just some fuel for YOUR fire?
I know that I can always go volunteer somewhere, visit someone, and get my cat fix…
Smells fishy? No, it's dog pee. Resentful, no I love it. (sarcasm)
Before I met my H, I broke off a relationship with a man I loved bc he wanted me to leave my dog behind when I moved across the country to be with him. She was abandoned at my clinic, we'd had to amputate her leg due to a compound fracture and I had rehabilitated her and taught her how to walk again myself. I had made a commitment to her and he could respect that or not. It was my choice and I still don't regret it. If someone had allergies, that's a different story.
We'll have to agree to disagree. I wouldn't have gone past the first date with someone who hates animals. That's just me.
I have already had two of my animals euthanized in the last 12 months bc of him. He always loved these pets before MLC and IF he comes out of it and wants to discuss his "pet reduction plan" then fine. For the time being, he knows where the door is.
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Did you really hate it, or did you hate that it wasn’t making a difference?
Why are you a night owl?
Always have been and yes, I really hated it.
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Rae, this is NOT about him. This is about you and getting you to a place where you realize it isn’t about him.
Getting you to a place where you are comfortable in your own skin, with who YOU are.
Herein lies the problem...
I am really comfortable in my own skin. I really like who I have become. I would be friends with me. Not the person I was in 2010, but the person before her, yes. That's where I'm back to now. I am really disappointed in myself that I let myself try to please him to the extent that I did. I know better. It was the expectations that got me. My pride kicked in on New Years and I was ready to walk. I'm starting to feel like the old me again.
When this started 18 months ago, I was utterly blindsided. I did not see this coming for all the money in the world. I just wanted to know what was wrong so the we could fix them.
His list of complaints didn't come out until October of last year, maybe. But they were building.
Like I said, he was right about the kids. At first it felt like a game that he was playing, but I saw what he meant. Then I realized it's really only when he argues about D16 and sometimes D14 our adopted daughter. He wants to threaten her with kicking her out, but I haven't let him.
I have reached a decision in the last few days.
I will hang on until I can't hang on any longer. The thread is getting thinner and thinner.
Today was a good day. We spent the day doing something he loved and it was nice. Then I left to hang out with friends. He called to complain about D16 asking for shoes. That's when she starting texting me.
I've never loved anyone the way that I love him. We have shared 16 amazing years together. The last two have scuked @ss. If he has to go I will miss him for a very long time, he!! I miss him and my old M right now.
I have this saying I tell my kids all the time. I love you enough to say no. It's easier to let you do whatever you want than argue about why it's not good for you BUT I will love you enough to say no.
I love him, but I love me too. I love me enough to tell him no.
