Shine on you crazy diamond II

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver, I hear you, brother. I really do. Everything you say is the truth. But our sitchs are different. You now share common and frequent contact with her. You share your SS. You have chances to show her what has happened. That is not happening here. My W will not, under any circumstance, contact me. I am sure it is because she thinks that any contact initiated by her will be seen as weakness or a desire to come home. Why? Because that is how I "trained" her to feel over all the years of crappy emotional interaction with her. I will not get the chance to show her the new me because there will be no reason to in her mind. Things are different for me.

You have a new line of communication with your W and a SS to keep that line open. 2step has a WAS that is waivering and a child that seems to help keeping the line open. Lost has been living with her H and now he wants to come back. Bolt is still in the same house with his W. My sitch has an awful truth that cannot be denied. We don't have any reason to communicate now!!! She won't call because she left and if I call, I am pursuing. It is the worst "Catch 22" I have ever faced in my life.

You know what is the most sad part of it all. I know what is going on right now and I can't stop it. Do you want to know what is going on? I will tell you. Right now, she is either pissed that I have gone dark because my lack of communication was always a problem, or she is through with the M. Either way, there is not much I can do about this at this point. Yea, I have gone dark. What has that done? Well, she has too. I am damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Part of the reason why I continue to push the BITS is that I see hope so many of their sitch's. But I see none in mine. Yea, yea, I can hear Gritter now, "Is this the hill you are going to die on?" Yes, maybe it is. I just don't think you guys and gals realize what a mess I created here. She left once before, I promised change and then delivered nothing. She is dead inside and I killed it. No doubt.

Dude, I am going to bed. Nothing more can be done here tonight. I am drunk and not much good to anyone right now.

Denver, you still are my bro. I mean that. We started here together and we will be friends until the end, whatever that may be. Thanks for sticking by me. I hope I get the chance to pay you back some day!!

FOBD