Shine on you crazy diamond II

[FellOnBlackDays]

Dude, you are my bro. Damn, I wish we could have a drink together. No one here in my town can really understand my despair. All the guys I run with are either single and happy or married with kids. Yes, I am full of despair and negative feelings. I have come to the following realizations:

1) My W had to leave.
2) She had to leave because of my sh*tty attitude.
3) I don't have much faith left.
4) I am a better inspiration to others than myself.
5) I could have avoided being here years ago if I just would have listened to her.
6) We don't have children and now she has the furniture and money she needs. She has no need to contact me from now on. We are racing 100 mph toward a dead end and I can't put on the brakes and she has no desire to!!!

My W was a good woman. She was the one I was supposed to live with until the end. But I wouldn't listen. I wouldn't put my own f*cking pride aside for her. Now, she is gone. It is my fault. I don't say these things to elicit sympathy from my BITS. I really don't. I say these things because they are true and I am finally able to accept that. I think it is part of detaching, isn't it? You can't get better until you accept the truth. The truth is that I destroyed my marriage by being a jackass to my W. If she doesn't come back, it will be my fault. No doubt. She took my crap for as long as she could. She took my false promises as long as she could. If I just would have given just a little, she would be here now. But I just wouldn't do it and now I will pay the ultimate price. And, I deserve it. I should be punished for what I have done. I accept this cross I have to bare as I built it with my own hands. I was cocky and over-confident and now I am facing my actions.

This is why I try so hard to help the BITS. In my heart, I hope they can succeed where I have failed. I can't believe how much I have come to love each of you guys. We don't even know each others names, but I live and die with each of your successes and failures. You guys and gals are my "marriage" now. I hope I treat you better than I treated my wife...

FOBD