Really hard time.... III

[2stepboogie]

don't do it

[what next?]

I didn't... just had to vent here about it to keep myself thinking clear

couple things that i have been thinking about.

1. she was always trying to tell me what stage of grief i was in so that made it harder for me to detach. I kept feeling like if I acted like I had moved on she would think that I had accepted things and that would be the end.

2. it's so much like 2step's coaching from today. I keep feeling like if I let things seem normal I will be risking losing it all. I am slowly coming to terms with the reality that if there is going to be hope for us... I have to let go.

[MrBond]

Have you gone over the legal documents yourself? Sounds like you're letting her control your life again.

[what next?]

Im not sure how im letting her control my life. The deal we came to ultimately was my suggestion and it made the most sense. I read the agreement... it was pretty simple.

[MrBond]

You've been acting re-actively rather than pro-actively. In your interactions with her. She's had the ball and you've been helping her along. She wants something. You give it. You keep saying that these things are no big deal, etc. but when are you actually going to start fighting "for" your M?

You let her go on her own way and helping her, and then come here to say that you don't know how to stop or slow down the D. Well how about stop helping her.

She hasn't given any indication that she "misses" you. And you were waiting for so long in the hopes that she'd notice you. Doesn't work that way. I'm not saying you need to fight her on things, but you need to increase the positive interactions. If not, you will be a forgotten memory.

[what next?]

I said that I didn't know how to slow down the divorce because legally there was n teal reason to. Im not exactly sure what you think that I should have done differently after the point where I started asking for advice here.

I have initiated contact with her several times and have done a good job of staying positive when speaking with her. The legal divorce was final today but I see That as a good thing for my sitch.

[Redo]

I would say, go out with your friends today. Don't stay home. Tomorrow is a new day and you'd never know how things can turn?

Look on the bright side. It cannot get any worse than this. So at this point the worst is behind you.

[what next?]

Yeah n reality I have been looking forward to today because I really don't Think my wife has let herself deal with the reality of it but now she will have to. Finding out she had filed was a much harder day for me than today.

[MrBond]

Sorry for the filing. In retrospect, you should have been there with her at the courthouse. That's another time you could have shown her that the D doesn't bother you and shown you are positive.

It may seem like I'm always busting your balls, but the times that I mentioned you should call her, etc. you kept talking yourself out of it.

If you want her to miss you, you have to give her something TO miss.

One thing stood out from your post a couple of days ago:
"she was always trying to tell me what stage of grief i was in so that made it harder for me to detach. I kept feeling like if I acted like I had moved on she would think that I had accepted things and that would be the end."

See she's TELLING you how you're feeling or should be feeling because basically you haven't interacted with her enough.

Starting now, go out and live your life. You don't have the threat of D hanging over your head any longer. Start living for you.

[what next?]

That's what I've been doing and why I am in Houston right now for a job interview. Over all my gal'ing has been going really well.

I think that she just signed the paper work at her lawyer's office to file but either way I didn't know when she did it. I only found out after.

I'm pretty sure that she had real bad tunnel vision towards getting to this point but the reality is here now and we'll see how she handles it I guess.