Shine on you crazy diamond II

[FellOnBlackDays]

Bolt and Grr, thanks for the kind words. Bolt, I love the inspiration you provide with your progress. Grr, I love the fact that you just won't give up. Very awesome people I have come to know here.

2step, tomorrow when I am sober I will send you some words regarding your post. I loved it!!!! And, tomorrow, I will tell you why.

Denver,
Just got home and decided to fire up computer. No, can't find stuff on FB. But, I have had quite a few beers tonight, so I am not in my best frame of mind. Dude, I just can't seem to shake my dependence on "the bottle." I turn to it weekend after weekend. Crap, here again...

Tonight as I drove home very slowly in the right hand lane with the windows down and chewing a mouth full of gum, I started to play this song on my Ipod. It is an old Garth Brooks song from 20 years ago. I don't even like country music, but my old roommate used to play this all the time. It goes a little something like this:

Like birds on a high line
They line up at night time at the bar
They all once were lovebirds
Now bluebirds are all that they are
They landed in hell
The minute they fell from love's sky
And now they hope in the wine
That they'll find a new way to fly

A new way to fly
Far away from goodbye
Above the clouds and the rain
The memories and the pain
And the tears that they cry
Now the lessons been learned
They've all crashed and burned
But they can leave it behind
If they could just find
A new way to fly

By the end of the night
They'll be high as a kite once again
And they don't seem to mind all the time
Or the money they spend
It's a high price to pay
to just find a way to get by
But it's worth every dime
If they find a new way to fly

A new way to fly
Far away from goodbye
Above the clouds and the rain
The memories and the pain
And the tears that they cry
Now the lessons been learned
They've all crashed and burned
But they can leave it behind
If they could just find
A new way to fly

They'll leave it behind
As soon as they find
A new way to fly

My W's departure has turned me into a drunk and I need to admit it so that I can eventually combat it. You cant defeat a problem if you don't admit it is a problem. I keep trying to drink her away, but it just ain't going to happen. But once I start, I can't stop. When I am drunk, I am less lonely. I hvae become addicted to this. I have to admit it to myself and the guy in the mirror that I am going to face in teh morning. Geez, I have probably dropped over a $1000 in bars since last September when she left. I could have bought so many things with that money other than a headache and despair.

Oh well, who gives a sh*t??? Today, I have come to the conclusion that I am no longer visiting this board for me. I am here because I owe it to my BITS to come here and help them. My personal cause is no longer a priority. In every battle there comes a time when a member of the group has to sacrifice himself to hold off the enemy so that the rest of the group can get to safety. That is me now. I will stay here and "hold the fort" so that others can pass to safety and redemption. After all, every good captain must be willing to go down with his ship. My failed M and my devotion to my BITS will be my ship until I can find the strength or will to love again. Denver, how you have been able to continue in the face of what your W has thrown at you is far beyond me. You are a better man that I am or ever will be. You are my hero!

BITS will never walk alone as long as I have a computer and the will to come here each night!!!

FOBD