Thank you both for stopping by my thread and your holiday wishes!
So, had some drama with my husband last night.
We had a great day, lots of flirting and fun. We watched the home movies that my parents converted to DVD.
Then late that night, while I was getting ready for bed, he called his Dad and spoke to a lot of family.
I went up to do my before bed routine. I came back downstairs to find him on the phone with the girl. I got the sense that he was being sneaky and called her while I was upstairs.
I listened to his phone call and it sounded like he was flirting with her a bit. I sat there in my chair next to him, listening, racking my brains on how to DB this.
What would people on the BB do?
I couldn't think of anything. I was in such pain.
Kept telling myself not to make ASSumptions. He told me they were friends.
Didn't matter. My inner dialouge did nothing to help.
I'm positive at one point she asked where I was, cause I heard him say, "She's upstairs."
And I'm postive at another point, she asked what my reaction was, I had asked him who he was talking to and he told me her name. I think she asked about it, cause he said, "She just said, 'Ok'".
We both went upstairs at that point.
I stayed quiet. Not sure what to do, so trying to do nothing.
He went about his before bed routine.
Then he came into our bedroom, happy as can be and asked me if I knew that he loved me.
I shook my head, "No". And I couldn't help it, my chin started trembling, and the tears just began flooding.
He asked what was wrong and came over to sit next to me on the bed.
I couldn't say anything. He then asked if I was upset because he called her.
I nodded yes.
At that point, my memory isn't very clear on what exactly happened.
But I told him that he told me she was just friends and that he called her on Christmas.
The same exact thing he had done with his ex-girlfriend 10 years ago, when we were dating.
That he had insisted for months, that they were just friends. Then he called her on Christmas and set up a visit...for her to fly down and visit him.
I begged him not to let her come, I begged him not to cheat on me.
He got mad at me, insisted again that they were just friends. And of course, cheated on me...and didn't tell me about it 'til after we were married for a year.
And I told him that. He had completely forgotten. Said he was so sorry for doing that. And that his calling his friend this Christmas was not anything like that Christmas long ago. He told me that there had never been anything romantic between him and the girl. That they had only ever been friends.
I told him it seemed like he was sneaking around. He said he was sorry and that wasn't his intention.
There was a lot of crying and silence on my part as I struggled to control myself and do the DB thing.
I think I did well, because in the past, I would have just gotten angry and attacked. And this time, I only cried and expressed my hurt. So, perhaps him seeing my hurt was much more effective than me hiding my hurt and attacking as I used to do.
He didn't get defensive...showed lots of concern for my feelings. He asked, "Are we ok now?" after I told him that I believed him. I told him yes and I apologized for doubting him.
He then asked if I wanted to ML. I told him, "Yes, that would greatly reassure me."
I told him that when we go for a week without being intimate, I begin to get anxious that he doesn't love me. I told him that him making love to me was the best way for him to reassure me that he does love me!
He said he wasn't sure if it'd be appropriate for him to suggest...and I assured him that it was very appropriate and healing for me!
So we did!
I think I sucessfully DB'd because he didn't get defensive and we were closer afterwards. In the past, he would get defensive and we'd end up not talking for hours, assuming he didn't just storm out of the house. So, this was definately different than times in the past!
So, note to self, showing my feelings/pain gets better results than trying to be tough and hiding my feelings...and attacking.
One last great thing. Before all that happened, he ordered the "Keeping Love Alive CD set". We are going to work on it together.
I told him that I wanted him to know that I didn't want this set because I thought we were doing badly, but rather I wanted this set, because we are doing so great...and I want to keep on doing great!
He understood and seemed in favor of it!
So, that's the latest drama. If you see reasons to swing a 2 x 4, don't hesitate.
