Is my hope KILLIN me? LBS; Trouble detaching. HELP

[BlindTEENA]

Thanks 2 step. I have been doing ALOT of breathing these days and it really helps to combat the anger. I don't think that I WANT to move forward. I'm actually afraid of a future without him. This separation is killing me. We had a GREAT Christmas (or so I thought) and by the New Year, we were separated.

Just stunned; up until a week ago I did not call him unless absolutely necessary; I rarely texted him. I tried not to plead w/him; didn't ask him to come or about his life. But this all went downhill after V-day (was supposed to be our 5 yr anniversary). I was soooooo down; felt like the day that he had dropped the bomb. So I called him and cried and told him that he was hurting me and that he was making the wrong decisions and not being rational etc. I know that this was not the "right" thing to do. But I'm human and I felt that I had to.
A day after V-day he was out on a date (i have my ways of knowing). I asked him about it; said I just knew and he pretty much confirmed. I was so hurt. I'm acting as if we are still together. I Don't want to detach!
Islander; I really hope that things get better for you. No one should have to go through this.

Thanks Sandi! Yes he has been keeping busy. He is back in school, coaching and apparently dating. The way that he is absolutely sure that he's done all of sudden seems so irrational. He didn't want to try counseling or anything; just up and said he's done.

When he said he wanted to come back home, I said, "I don't think you do. I think that you just miss your apt; not me. Said that I may actually benefit from the separation." He popped up at the apt 2 days in a row; seemed to be regretting his decision. Maybe me trying to act like I had moved on and Got a life too much; pissed him off. When I tried to discuss terms for our separation he said that he didn't think that we could reconcile. It was the first time he said this. I was floored. He went from needing "space" to wanting a separation to wanting a divorce within a month! I don't think that he will file though. He's still a bit confused.
I understand that we got married young and that he probably didn't "get it out of his system." But who just decides that they want to be single one day? What about me? At times I get so angry and disgusted with him that I think about filing. But up until a few months ago I was soooo happy with him (thought he was happy with me too but now everything that he recalls about the marriage is negative). He is really acting out and at times I don't even know if I should fight for us. Sigh