I haven't done everything wrong...

[Denver_2010]

It has been 4 days since I had any contact with my W. She sent me a text yesterday letting me know to call her on her work phone if I needed her. WTF. I did not respond to her. I did like that i got a text from her. Atleast I know she was thinking about me. About 3 hours before she sent me the text, she got into an argument with her parents and told them she was filing for divorce. I don't really feel that well that last few days

Hang in there Islander. You did the right thing by not responding to her text. Let her figure her stuff out. You worry about you.

BITS
Denver

[islander]

My W just sent me an invite to play a game with her on our iPhones. When we were living together, this was one of the things we argued about. She would say how addicted she was to the game, but then take days to play a round with me it drove me crazy because she would play everybody else but me. It must be getting to her a little bit that we have not spoken for days now. Of course, I am not going to play that game with her now. I just hope that she starts to miss me enough to question her decision to leave our M.

[Denver_2010]

I actually think that sounds like a small step Islander. Keep doing what works!

BITS
Denver

[islander]

My W sent me another text today and asked me if I knew if the camera charger was in the house. I ignored her. It is hard not to respond, but I don't have a choice. I have to give her the opportunity to really miss me, and it seems as if she is making attempts to contact me so she won't miss me.

[islander]

Very depressing realizing it has been 31 days since W moved out. I don't feel like I have made any progress and actually feel that she has moved further away from me emotionally. I hope that by going dark she starts to miss me SOON.

[ninelives]

Hey Islander

Im not a BITS guy yet, would like to join as your sitch is very close to mine and Country song.

My heart goes out to you man. There is very little that can be done at this stage and you are doing the right thing.

My W is not yet living with Om but he is there all the time as he left his wife (with 2 babies BTW)

At this point i think that we are the OM because their heart for now is with their new men. How long that will last is undetermined.

Stats show that when people leave marriages for affairs , that they dont last but they may last longer than we would like obviously.

The OM has the advantage at the moment because he has the blueprint for what made her unhappy with the marriage and is probably doing all he can to make sure he provides her with what she wants for now. But this is the fantasy stage and I dont think it can last forever.

YOU GOT to GAL and mean it at this stage. My w texts me all the time as well and wants to be my friend which will validate her decision. I am not going to be there for her in this capacity.

I WILL NOT be demoted to the role of friend while she is sleeping with a scumbag.

I KNOW its difficult Islander ( BTW, I live on a small island in ONtario so our sitch are very similar) but What choice do we have at this point.

NINE ( possibly future Bit member)

[2stepboogie]

hey islander another BITS reporting for duty. I see that Denver has been attempting to give you some advice. I also see that one of my fav person also jumped in to give you some advice, I speak of none other than the Gritter.

So I will offer yet another point of view here.

I have read your entire thread in order to accurately have an idea of what is going on.

So lets examine this...........

For all I know she is planning on giving me papers

Let me tell you something about the guessing game. 9 out of 10 times you will be wrong.

But, I am going to tell her that if she doesnt want to work on our marriage, there is no point in being friends.

If that is how YOU feel. If you are doing it to get some kind of reaction out of her then you will get burnt!

tell her i do not want a divorce, i love her and am committed to her and our M and family.

As Mach would say! Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to. It's pointless.

I have a limited amount of time

Which clock are you going by?

I know my W very well

Really? Did you know she was leaving you?

she is attempting to put me in the "friend zone"

I wonder if you walked up to a perfect stranger and just asked her to M you. You did start out as friend right?

Maybe it will give her the opportunity to see what she is doing

The only thing is going to do is validate her reason for leaving.

I believe this is my last chance.

You decide that!

If I wait to long it will not work.

???
You want NOW.
You have no bargaining chip yet you want to negotiate.

I may not know my wife as well as I thought I did,

Wait I am confused........I thought you did know her?

but I know without a doubt what she is trying to do to our relationship.

Again. Look bud the only thing I know is that your head is not in the right place right now. God knows we have all been there and some of us are still there. Stop thinking you know and start to take care of you.

I also know that I I tell her that we will not be freinds if she follows through with the D, it will possibly open her eyes to the full weight of her decision

You know what is going to "open" her eyes? You actions! Not your words or the any half a$$ attempt to read her mind. Become the change you want to see. For the most part women don't leave great guys.

Take some time, look in the mirror and become the great guy you can be.

I know how my W thinks

No comment necessary! I think you get that point!

I feel that I have a little bit more insight into how my W is thinking right now. I am on good terms with her XH.

Wait you got good insight from her XH. Wait........who is he again........Oh yeah XH. He is the X for a reason.

I am not going to chase her

We will revisit this comment.

Then I began to tell her that I loved her and wanted to work on our M.

Sounds like chasing to me!

I am going to stop now because I think you get my point.

DB works not because it is some secret pill.

It works because it is a principal to take care of yourself and heal.

When we first come here we are clouded confused emotionaly devasted. We THINK we know. We know nothing. I hope the 2x4 don't hurt too bad but Denver has been guiding you along.

Yet you want to continue to pave your own path.

Your path has provided you with fruit.

How does it taste so far?

Start to examine your sitch a little closer and read what you have written.

We are here learn from others and although every sitch is different the mechanics are all the same.

He!! I am M to Denver's W and he is M to mine and a half dozen other guys here.

The characters change but the story remains the same.

[islander]

Thanks for checking out my sitch. And yes the 2x4s hurt but they are why we come here. I don't even remember writing some of those things, but I know I did. Just reminds me of how lost I really am. This takes such an emotional toll on a person that you definitely don't think clearly.

I will say one thing that I am serious about and will do, which is why I told my W. If she really wants to go for the D, there will not be a friendship between us. The one thing I do know is that my W is trying to be my friend In order to make her feel better about what she is doing.

[sparks14]

Hey Islander

I'm not a BITS guy yet, would like to join as your sitch is very close to mine and Country song.

My heart goes out to you man. There is very little that can be done at this stage and you are doing the right thing.

My W is not yet living with Om but he is there all the time as he left his wife (with 2 babies BTW)

At this point i think that we are the OM because their heart for now is with their new men. How long that will last is undetermined.

Stats show that when people leave marriages for affairs , that they don't last but they may last longer than we would like obviously.

The OM has the advantage at the moment because he has the blueprint for what made her unhappy with the marriage and is probably doing all he can to make sure he provides her with what she wants for now. But this is the fantasy stage and I don't think it can last forever.

YOU GOT to GAL and mean it at this stage. My w texts me all the time as well and wants to be my friend which will validate her decision. I am not going to be there for her in this capacity.

I WILL NOT be demoted to the role of friend while she is sleeping with a scumbag.

I KNOW its difficult Islander ( BTW, I live on a small island in ONtario so our sitch are very similar) but What choice do we have at this point.

NINE ( possibly future Bit member)

Islander. Ninelives is right. Affairs average about six months. They usually do not last very long. Keep your head up and you heart strong. You can make it through this. The fact that she has been reaching out to you has to be a positive sign. Just keep your ground and detach. GAL. Best advice I have been given yet.

[sparks14]

hey islander another BITS reporting for duty. I see that Denver has been attempting to give you some advice. I also see that one of my fav person also jumped in to give you some advice, I speak of none other than the Gritter.

So I will offer yet another point of view here.

I have read your entire thread in order to accurately have an idea of what is going on.

So lets examine this...........

For all I know she is planning on giving me papers

Let me tell you something about the guessing game. 9 out of 10 times you will be wrong.

But, I am going to tell her that if she doesnt want to work on our marriage, there is no point in being friends.

If that is how YOU feel. If you are doing it to get some kind of reaction out of her then you will get burnt!

tell her i do not want a divorce, i love her and am committed to her and our M and family.

As Mach would say! Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to. It's pointless.

I have a limited amount of time

Which clock are you going by?

I know my W very well

Really? Did you know she was leaving you?

she is attempting to put me in the "friend zone"

I wonder if you walked up to a perfect stranger and just asked her to M you. You did start out as friend right?

Maybe it will give her the opportunity to see what she is doing

The only thing is going to do is validate her reason for leaving.

I believe this is my last chance.

You decide that!

If I wait to long it will not work.

???
You want NOW.
You have no bargaining chip yet you want to negotiate.

I may not know my wife as well as I thought I did,

Wait I am confused........I thought you did know her?

but I know without a doubt what she is trying to do to our relationship.

Again. Look bud the only thing I know is that your head is not in the right place right now. God knows we have all been there and some of us are still there. Stop thinking you know and start to take care of you.

I also know that I I tell her that we will not be freinds if she follows through with the D, it will possibly open her eyes to the full weight of her decision

You know what is going to "open" her eyes? You actions! Not your words or the any half a$$ attempt to read her mind. Become the change you want to see. For the most part women don't leave great guys.

Take some time, look in the mirror and become the great guy you can be.

I know how my W thinks

No comment necessary! I think you get that point!

I feel that I have a little bit more insight into how my W is thinking right now. I am on good terms with her XH.

Wait you got good insight from her XH. Wait........who is he again........Oh yeah XH. He is the X for a reason.

I am not going to chase her

We will revisit this comment.

Then I began to tell her that I loved her and wanted to work on our M.

Sounds like chasing to me!

I am going to stop now because I think you get my point.

DB works not because it is some secret pill.

It works because it is a principal to take care of yourself and heal.

When we first come here we are clouded confused emotionaly devasted. We THINK we know. We know nothing. I hope the 2x4 don't hurt too bad but Denver has been guiding you along.

Yet you want to continue to pave your own path.

Your path has provided you with fruit.

How does it taste so far?

Start to examine your sitch a little closer and read what you have written.

We are here learn from others and although every sitch is different the mechanics are all the same.

He!! I am M to Denver's W and he is M to mine and a half dozen other guys here.

The characters change but the story remains the same.

Wow. That is a breakdown worthy of ESPN. Nice work.