Thank you for thinking about me. I think about you, too! (a lot) In reality I feel we are all concerned and thinking about each other very often as we try to figure out our lives and each others along the way.
True. I am much more inclined to share information here than with other friends and family. They are just plain sick of it all and especially because H goes from happy phase to grumpy phase all the time.
Congratulations on your new job. I know what you mean about being exhausted at the end of the day..... I am the same way with my new job. There's quite a few differences and many challenges. My usual job is much more comfortable but I do know I'm making a significant difference at this new job which feels good.
Are you in a position to eliminate one of your jobs? It must be exhausting to have 3 different jobs.
Some responses to ow moving in with H........
H would not have let OW move in unless he was happy with the idea.He's no 'pushover'. He's set it up for a 6 month trial with lots of conditions. It suited his purpose because he needs the money. I agree that she's made lots of promises and I'm sure she'll be on her best behaviour right now but she won't be able to keep it up.
I agree with you that the tension will be there because they will have different expectations. H will be treating her and her son as boarders (new slant on friends with benefits......boarder with benefits!!!!) and she will picture herself as his partner. He will view her son as 'her son' and she will view him as H's stepson.H will not be loving father to her son.
I agree with you that ow will become demanding like never before. She will want his financial assistance and help with her son. She will want to be part of every aspect of H's life and know all about where he's going and what he's doing and when he'll be back. H will get annoyed by this but H is in control and she'll have to put up with it or he'll tell her to move out. She won't have a choice but to put up with it cos it's his house and the suburb we live in is a lot more expensive than where she's come from so to keep son at the school he's now at she'll need to stay with H.
This coming weekend H is going to see our son and stay with his parents. OW is not going.
OW is on a disability allowance so she can't work....her income will never change.
Originally Posted By: Sanderika
Cas, today your H came inside to peek. He wanted to see what he's missing. Sure he could have sat in the car, daughter probably already knew he was there. He didn't. I have the thought he was hoping to see you. He was earlier than planned on purpose. He had it all planned out. He was hoping to have a nice interaction with you.
You're probably right Sanderika. I talked with D later and just casually said, "Hey, how come Dad came in today?" and she said H was early and she wasn't quite ready so he came in and stood in the living room and then he went looking for me in the kitchen and then he heard I was on the phone so he went back and sat on the couch and waited. Then D came in all ready and H's phone rang and it was S. D said he stayed sitting there talking to S and didn't move until the conversation was over. She thought he was still waiting to see if I was going to come out.
I have provided the place of refuge and peace for so long Sanderika but it wasn't enough. We had months of wonderful interactions and he knows it. Beginning of December he initiated the 'stand off' and now once again I've offered the olive branch and he's back trying to reconnect. How many years do I play this game? As far as I'm concerned H has stepped up his relationship with ow by living together. He is welcome to come into the house and I will be polite and hospitable but I'm not sure I can do more. H is comfortable here. I am tired of the games he plays. It takes one issue and he'll be gone again. And the reality is that it can be his bad form and to erase the guilt that he feels he'll blame me. I don't need to live like this.
Originally Posted By: Sanderika
You don't have to make contact with him, but show him he is accepted and welcome when he pokes his head out. In the past when he has done this it's YOU he seeks out, don't disappoint him.
I think I have always done this and I will continue to do so but in yesterday's case I was on the phone and I am not going to drop my conversation just because he decided to grace me with his presence for 5 minutes. If he's genuine he'll try again later.
H had come here straight from work and then he and d were gone nearly 4 hours. He didn't come back in afterwards.....that would have looked too obvious at this early stage of him trying to reconnect. And it was probably already long enough for ow to be getting annoyed!!!
I am in a much stronger position now Sanderika. H knows where I am. He knows I am forgiving. If he genuinely wants to contact me, he will but I really am not interested in his crumbs. I've lived on those for long enough and they're not sustaining. I'm living my life for me. If he's part of it it will be because he's genuine.
