Shine on you crazy diamond II

[FellOnBlackDays]

BITS,
The "Prodigal Son" has returned. Man, it is almost impossible to keep away from these boards for four days. I have missed almost two entire threads from Denver and 2step. I have been sitting here for two hours reading like mad and I still have a long way to go! I will do my best to get around to everyone eventually.

Well, not much to report here. No contact from W since last Sunday when she "breezed" through on her way to her better life without old FOBD. But, I guess when it rains, it pours. As many of you know, I was headed to my company's national business conference last week. I have been with the company for 10 years and have made some wonderful friends. One in particular is a fellow we will call Hal. Hal and I were hired at the same time and went through training together. He is truly my best friend in the company. My company makes us room with someone at these conferences and for the past 10 years, Hal has been my roommate. He is married with 5 kids and is a wonderful father and husband. He is always in a good mood and is one of those people that you want to hang around when you are down because he ALWAYS picks you up. With all that is going on, I was REALLY looking forward to hanging out with my buddy. We only see each other once a year at this meeting.

So, I arrive at the meeting on Tuesday morning and turn on my phone to call him. There is a text waiting for me there when the phone goes on. It is from HAL. Tuesday morning his grandfather died while living out in California. My friend, my buddy, my support was going to have to head out to the funeral and had been excused from the conference. We would not get to see each other...

I was excited to go to this meeting because I would be away from home, away from my sitch, with friends, would have a roommate (so no alone time) and could relax. So much for that. I kind of went into a tail-spin. And then, my manager, who is a wonderful individual to work for and has numerous times granted me unofficial leave from work to tend to my sitch announces he has taken a promotion and will be moving on. Now, in the middle of battling a S or D, I have to start working for a new person who knows nothing about my track record with the company or the horrible mess I am dealing with at home.

Folks, I am starting to feel like a fighter who is getting pummeled and the referee won't stop the fight!! I keep looking to the corner, but no one will throw in the towel. I am just standing here, getting my ass beat to a bloody pulp while everyone, other than my BITS and my family, just stand there and watch.

Sorry, BITS. This trip was supposed to be a "pick me up," and it turned out to be just another roundhouse to the face. I wish I could be more of a positive force these days, but I just don't have that right now.

One good thing to report. The conference always ends with a huge awards gala with an open bar. The liquor was flowing and people were dancing to the band and celebrating another year of sales behind us. A fairly attractive, blond female I work with was hitting the sauce pretty hard. We had been hanging out together for most of the meeting because she says she finds me hilarious. She has a boyfriend and talks about him often. She knows nothing of my current sitch. Well, at the after party, she offered me to go back to her room and have a "pillow fight." I am not sure what she meant by that, but I think I kind of have an idea of what she had in mind. I politely declined. I then found another female to walk her to her room to ensure she got there. I know that I still love my W too much to head down that road. Even though I know my W probably already has...

Last night, my buddy who lost his brother called me up and took me out for drinks and dinner. I let him pick the place. He unknowingly picked a place that my W and I loved. When we walked in, there was a woman sitting in a booth that looked like my W. I froze. I stood there blocking the door like an idiot unable to walk any further. It was not her, but I thought it was and I didn't know what to do. I had to go the bathroom and compose myself before I could continue with my evening. Pretty sad...

I want to take just a moment to send out some "Congratulations" to Denver, Lost, Bolt and 2step. I was so happy to come home to such good news for all of them!!!!

Folks, I want to leave you with one thought today. Close to 50% of all marriages end in divorce these days. That means that only 1/2 of us here are going to get to save what we love. It is just like combat. Just before the bullets start to fly, you have to realize that "the guy standing next to you won't see the sunrise." You also have to keep in mind that in his head, you are "the guy standing next to him." Get my drift? One of you is not going to go home. Same applies here. As much as we would like to see it, not all of us are going to get to go home. The quicker we can adopt and accept this, the better off we might be in our new life should there be no reconciliation. Today, I am starting to embrace that notion...

I am going out again tonight. There is a good chance I will get completely hammered, so I am leaving my cell phone home (to avoid the drunk call to W) and I am hiding my computer (so I don't come home and upset the BITS). I wish you all a wonderful evening and a great weekend! Talk to you all tomorrow.

BITS never walk alone!!!!

FOBD