Did you ever play pinball? The way the ball goes pinging around the board from one extreme to another.
That, dear one, is you right now. And it is perfectly normal under the circumstances. You mentioned vengence, unconditional love, his happiness and going on without him practically in one breath.
What is does say about you is that you are in no way detached from this man mentally. THAT is what you have to work on in yourself. What he is going through, whether it be MLC or just stupidity, is still his journey, and you cannot assist.
I'm afraid I don't know your personal living situation. ( Read too many posts) but staying dark and away from my H did the most for me. You have to work on YOU, and let him deal with his own demons.
This is not a 2 x 4 Angel, just an observation. Meant kindly.
