Somewhere along the line; it is made clear that they don't get off the hook or out of the marriage that easily.
Now, that last sounded controlling; but the LBS at times such as these, IS called upon to deal out consequences in regards to a MLC'er who wants a divorce; but doesn't want to take responsibility...they want a "free ticket" to a new life; and this is NOT to be.
HB, what are you referring to here?
I am referring to the ones who try to escape every bit of the responsibility that is tied in with the life they have/had with the LBS; in an attempt to leave them holding the bag.
It was more or less explained in the next paragraphs that followed.
There have been many people who have had to legally hold the MLC'er responsible for the debts they try and leave the LBS responsible for...and the anger within the MLC'er was terrible when they found they were going to have to pay for their current debt; because the LBS holds them responsible in court.
Some really thought they could just get a divorce and "skip out" on their responsibilities. But, this cannot be; and it doesn't NEED to happen...this is where the LBS, if possible, needs to deal out certain consequences within these type actions.
It was a clear warning to watch for this, IF it goes that far; the boy scout motto applies here; "Always be prepared".
Prepare for the worst; but hope for the best.
I mean, he's already told you he "cannot" pay half of yours and his; and if that doesn't tell you he's attempting to skip out; I don't know what does. And you need to be prepared for anything to happen.
This is NOT the man you married.
Usually, the request or demand for divorce indicates their need for additional space, or an "ending" that could lead to a new beginning.
The pressures and the pain that results are perceived within them; yet, they blame the one closest to them, the LBS, for what is their problem and they can try a number of things to relieve this pressure and pain within themselves; and divorce is amongst these things.
It is when they attain what they thought they wanted; they find the pain does NOT go away; and they can face a bigger mess than if they'd just left things as they were.
MLC'ers look to "outside" sources to blame for their pain; when, really, they need to look inside; but they don't, initially...
Anyhow, food for thought.
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Maybe, but it could also be his self esteem issues. He has had to change jobs - no fault of his - and I know he saw that as a failure. I didn't, he did. In fact, I told him how proud I was of him for trying something else. Now I think he feels backed into a corner. He's trained for the this last job, something he thought he always wanted to do, and now he's not so happy with it. I'm sure he thinks he'd lose face if he walked away from it. I'm sure he's thought about it, because he told me he's saving his comp time to use if he finds something else, or wants to use it as he looks for another job. A third party has told me H isn't happy in his job, and H told me himself that before he moved out.
But, you need to remember the corner he's seems to be backed into jobwise, is HIS corner, not yours...the dissatisfaction with their jobs is one of the issues of MLC.
And that doesn't have anything to do with him asking why you won't find someone else to make you happy; these are two separate issues within him.
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He asked me yesterday why I would want him back - I didn't say ILY bec we've been told not to all this time. Does this still apply here? Again, what do I have to lose?
His question is due to his low self esteem in regards to YOU; and his perceived and very real failure in regards to you.
This, again, IS a much separate issue; one of the issues of his MARRIAGE; he is fishing at the moment to see where you stand.
I got a testing of the waters at one point; but I left it on him to decide....I couldn't make any decisions for him....I just had to leave him be to decide for himself.
I knew all was already lost; and nothing further could be said to help matters; so I said nothing, keeping it in the hands of God to deal with.
The issues of the crisis are not combined....they are separate entities that are faced; one at a time; IF faced at all.
They can face some and not face others; but ALL must be faced to eventually come out whole and healed.
There are aspects of each issue to be worked through; but, again, no two issues were combined.
All I could do was give him space and time to work through them; knowing the answers were within him; and he had to learn to access those.
You can say/do what's comfortable for you; you KNOW him; we don't.
I'm glad your mom is doing better; keep us posted on her.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
