Denver everything you say makes sense. Now if I can get my mind to work with me I will be in a better place. I know this is going to be hard but I need to stay focused. So my new goal is to completely detatch. I may need a kick in the rear but I shall succeed.
Do it one day at a time. One hour at a time.
*I'm not going to talk/text my W for the next hour.*
How do you accomplish that? You go do something. See a horror movie. Go to the park. Go to the gym. Buy groceries. Eat sushi. Something to take up that hour or MORE.
then go through the process again.
It does get easier (and then it gets harder) BUT you will have the tools to deal.
One of the tools you are already using - this board.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Another purpose of being detached is that it may cause the WAS to draw closer to the LBS rather than move farther away. The opposite of what happens when we ATTACH at the beginning of the situation.
But that is exactly the reason most of us are here right? We are here because we do still want our M's to work. We detach for 2 reasons, one to get ourselves to a better place, and two in hopes this will save our M's. My point is that being able to at least give the appearance of detaching while we are actually working on detaching is at least helping with #2.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Yeah... I agree with that. I just want to see you guys work on some real detachment for your own sanity.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
For the first six months I tried to "win" her back. She moved out two months after bomb. After thatI went cold turkey, I totally detached started living life for me and having a great time.
She did come back last fall.(Short lived)
She said to me "Gr8 you where trying for the for 6 months then just stopped. I didn't know how you felt about me anymore"
Read that again.
I flipped the sitch around. I made her start thinking about why I was doing so well. She thought I should be unhappy. She was no more happier a year later after leaving me then she was when she was with me.
I made her feel as if she was losing me. Truth, she was. I didn't focus 1 ounce of attention on her.
It was all about me and my kids and good times we were having.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
In my mess I will probably be divorced in th next month. It's not that I want to be divorced but she is forcing the issue. With the other guy in the picture I see all of this as possibly final. I am hopeful she will see me in a little different light but I will have to move forward for any chance of that happening. I can relate to the no calling and no texting thing. She called while I was writing this and I didn't answer. I was supposed to go get our taxes done about an hour ago, I decided that I was to busy to get them done today. I am going to tell her something came up we will have to reschedule. I will still get my d tonight just a little later. I have been feeling maybe a little to available for her.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
In my mess I will probably be divorced in th next month. It's not that I want to be divorced but she is forcing the issue. With the other guy in the picture I see all of this as possibly final. I am hopeful she will see me in a little different light but I will have to move forward for any chance of that happening. I can relate to the no calling and no texting thing. She called while I was writing this and I didn't answer. I was supposed to go get our taxes done about an hour ago, I decided that I was to busy to get them done today. I am going to tell her something came up we will have to reschedule. I will still get my d tonight just a little later. I have been feeling maybe a little to available for her.
Heh...looks like i might beat you to it In a more serious tone, yea my wife cannot seem to wait to get this over. She's just counting down towards the min 60day requirement. Yup, my reality is accepting this possibility and figuring out how to get her back after the divorce
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
I can relate! I have to give in on the divorce or this will get really ugly. I know I will just move on and see where life leads. I do hope one day we might get back together but if we don't I will survive.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
Thinking to myself why do I care? I never one time in our marriage cheated. She is acting like my 17 year old daughter! You know maybe I have been thinking about saving this thing for the wrong reasons. Was I trying to save this for me or my family. I might be messing myself up but I am really getting confused.
I have sat here and asked myself if the tables were turned would she try and save this? Maybe I am mad because I know they are still an item. I need to find whats best for me and start living knowing that I can't stop this train wreck.
I have to detatch I have to move on and I am a dang good man!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
I need to find whats best for me and start living knowing that I can't stop this train wreck.
I have to detatch I have to move on and I am a dang good man
Yes, this is exactly what you need to do.
Limbo is a hhorrible place. Yet we all choos/chose to remain there. When you start valuing yourself you will come to terms that you don't want to be in limbo anymore. Facing your fear of being D will free you from limbo.
Remember YOU have a decision too.
Don't be a jerk about it but start thinking you deserve better and start thinking and living that way. gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I do deserve better! I already know I am the better person. I deserve to be treated like a good man. Whatever happens is what I decide for me and my kids. I really am a happy guy.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
