Yeah, actually I still agree with what 2Step is saying... go dark on her man. He's right, she has no incentive to face up to what she is doing.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I know, but she contacts me every day with something about our D. Either "here is a pic, she is so cute" or "how is the girl? send me a pic." I have been responding to these as noted, and I don't know what else to do. The degree to which she is doing it is definitely unnecessary. We both see her regularly. I know that just recently I was also offering other 'friendly' conversation but I have totally stopped that, and will continue that behavior.
Right now, for me, I wish it would stop all together. 2step is totally right, she isn't missing a thing right now, I just don't know how to handle it because of the subject of the conversations. And keep in mind, these are short and sweet, but sweet nonetheless.
She still doesn't seem to care why I am acting so happy. She hasn't shown one sign of not being happy. It is just an $%@#$'d up situation.
I feel like it is keeping me from detaching properly. IDK, I am just thinking out loud here....
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I understand what you are saying Country. Let a few other people weigh in on this and then take some time to decide what is best for YOU.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Right on cue, "how is the girl tonight?" Good! She is always good! If something was wrong I would let you know!
I am not angry
I think it is time to experiment. I am going to ignore it. I know it is about our D, but come on. This is unnecessary communication. It is just like it was before she left. Well, she did leave, perhaps that means things change...
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
It just hit me after typing that and thinking about it. With my W's schedule as an RN, we have always had a lot of nights alone, single parenting a lot. She is acting as if it is exactly the same! I think that in her brain, nothing has really changed, no real consequences to her actions. It is time she realized things HAVE CHANGED!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
My other thought is a reply something like this. "She is good, we are looking forward to our weekend together, I'll let you know if anything comes up."
Does this convey, please don't check in every day without sounding angry?
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
It just hit me after typing that and thinking about it. With my W's schedule as an RN, we have always had a lot of nights alone, single parenting a lot. She is acting as if it is exactly the same! I think that in her brain, nothing has really changed, no real consequences to her actions. It is time she realized things HAVE CHANGED!
I like the attitude Country!
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
My other thought is a reply something like this. "She is good, we are looking forward to our weekend together, I'll let you know if anything comes up."
Does this convey, please don't check in every day without sounding angry?
Yes. Very much so.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Country, I've read your sitch and I think the reason why your W is acting like that is because it is still an early A. Your W is happy because she is still in fantasy land, and OM is fulfilling her, she is like an addict with a new drug, seeing the world with rose colored glasses.
The impact of what she is doing with her life has not hit her yet. But your W is an RN - she must be smart and compassionate and caring to be in that kind of job - sooner or later realization should come. Of course a little help from you might come in handy....
And one way is to distance, to make her miss you, to not provide some of the things she takes for granted you will take care of.
One of the things that DR always emphasizes is patience. They say when an M is broken, the longer you have been in it, the longer it takes to recover. One of the ways to estimate it is 1 month for every year of M ... where did I read that?
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
