I grew up listening to his tapes, thanks to my mom.
I usually use the Weight Loss tape as it has positive body images. I find myself repeating, "I like my body and I love my body." a phrase he uses on the tape. His tapes have helped me to replace my negative self-talk with positive messages.
But I also would often 'pray' when I was feeling down.
I'd have the same warmth spreading sensation in my head that Pam talks about when I 'prayed'.
My praying often consisted of me first thanking my Goddesses, asking for help on behalf of my family, friends, and especially my husband. And finally asking for help for myself. I have a little mantra I say. "Please help me see with the eyes of love, hear with the ears of love and speak with the voice of love. Please help me keep my feet on the path of love, rather than the path of fear. If my feet stray to the path of fear, please help me get back to the path of love."
I had training thurs and friday, hence no BB time for me!
I had a great weekend with my husband and parents.
We celebrated my upcoming birthday with my parents on Saturday. They gave me a few cookbooks, one was for the 'Starving Student'. The other 2 were '30 minute meals' by some woman with a tv show. My mom is going to record a show for me so I can see it. This should really help me, I'm very excited to get cookbooks....my how I've changed!
My birthday is actually Wed. My husband plans on leaving work early, giving me the present he's been storing in the fridge section of our Refrigerator. He made a big deal of putting it there. He told me that my clue was that "it's not cold."
I asked him if he wanted to wrap it and he said no, cause he'd have to unwrap it before giving it to me.
Part of me is wishing/dreaming that it's a diamond ring and that he's going to 'propose' to me.
After all, they call diamonds 'ice'.
However, that's just between me and y'all.
I know, I know..no expectations.
Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll love it. And he's obviously very proud of himself and bursting to give it to me.
Anyway, after he gives it to me, he's taking me to Outback and then to see Lord of the Rings!
What a fabulous birthday!!
Sunday, we spent most of the day playing Final Fantasy together.
About half way through the day, I told him I needed a break. Asked him if he'd help me do my 1 hour house blessing. For those of y'all who aren't up on Flylady, that's where you take one hour to run through the house with a vacuum, broom and mop and try to clean every room in the house as quickly as possible.
I started the timer. He grabbed the broom, I grabbed the vacuum and 35 minutes later the entire house was done!!!
I thanked him profusely.
Then we played some more!
All in all a great weekend, and I can't wait till Wed!
On Saturday, my parents told my husband about the first time I had ever seen snow.
I was 2 years old and born and raised in Miami, Fl. They took me outside to see snow (we were in the mountains) and apparently I freaked out.
I started screaming, "What's happening? What's happening?".
I had never heard this story before! Had both my husband and I laughing loudly!
My Mom told my husband...'She's never liked change!' Lol.
This morning, I noticed he was getting something from the bottom drawer of our dresser.
I asked him what he was up to. He told me his 'undies live in the bottom drawer.'
I lay in bed, a bit upset.
Then I went out into the hallway and hugged him. I told him I remembered when his undies lived in the top drawer. He said, "Oh, yeah, that was a long time ago."
I said, "Didn't my mom tell you I didn't like change?"
So, over the weekend, my husband and I had another intense relationship talk.
I don't want to go into details. Yes, I'm holding something back. Sorry folks.
But the bottom line is that there's one thing that he absolutely still feels guilty about.
And one thing that I absolutely still feel guilty about.
It seems to me that while we want to learn the lesson and not ever do the things we did, again...can't we forgive and forget?
I think for both of us, we are afraid that if we forget the horrible thing we each did, then we'll do it again.
And neither of us wants to hurt the other again.
I mean, it's one thing for me to forgive my husband...but forgiving myself is something much harder.
Perhaps, I'm just whining. Maybe all I need to do is look myself in the mirror and say, "I won't forget all the hurt and damage I caused, I learned my lesson and won't do it again...but I forgive myself."
Agghhhh.
I guess the problem is I feel the need to keep punishing myself in an attempt to make sure it never happens again.
And if someone else I knew and loved were doing that, I'd tell them, you've obviously learned the lesson, forgive yourself and move on...you are only hurting yourself by hanging onto this.
Surely the fact the H and you have both admitted that you have done something wrong and hurt each other, that is half the battle won? And remember, you can NEVER UNDO the past, but you can move forward into the future. Why wear millstones of anguish around your necks? You both own up to your wrongs, so now, move forward! The more RIGHT, happy times you create for yourselves now, the less important a past wrong will seem.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
How about if you look at it as as long as you don't forgive yourself a part of you remains stuck in the pain? Do you want pain in your life? No, you want JOY!!!
I feel like my not forgiving myself for my D from my first H caused a lot of grief for me in this marriage. I believe it contributed to my general depressed attitude, the lack of self forgiveness, kept me stuck in the past and not living in and for my present.
What if you look yourself in the mirror and say PIB, I forgive you for what you have done because at the time you did it you didn't know any better or realize what you were doing. Now you have learned from it. Or as Sage says, you are ready the teacher of your situation appeared and has shown you the error of your ways and you have amended them. If you can't go back and change it, then you need to forgive, not forget and move forward with the knowledge you gained. Just a Sunny thought for this dreary rainy day! PIB You Are Forgiven!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
.......it's for PIB. 
......
