That makes sense about the wording. I'll remember to say it like that.
I changed to please him...duh!
His list of complaints were that the house wasn't clean enough. He was right and that's bc I was a spoiled brat on that one. We've had a housekeeper that came weekly for about 10 years. After H bought the vette, I had to let her go. Part of it was rebellion on my part, part of it was that I would forget. He likes the house to be so clean that it looks like no one lives here. But he was right, it wasn't clean enough and I fixed it.
He said that I undermined him with the kids. This one really shocked me bc I honestly did not know what he was talking about. He was so adamant about it, that I really started paying attention to the ebb and flow of his interactions with the kids. Pretty much any time he said no about something, he would always turn around and say, Rae, what are your thoughts? I would give my honest thoughts about him saying no. Which, most times, contradicted what his wishes were. When I realized what he needed from me, I changed it. Now, if there is something I really disagree with, I discuss it in private bc he can be very rigid. He has a really hard time letting the girls go. Our oldest will be 17 in a few months and he won't let her be in a car by herself with a boy even though she doesn't have a boyfriend. All of the boys she hangs out with are friends. I think he might be a little scared of karma! (:
He doesn't like that we have cats. That's not something I am willing to change and he knows it. I was a vet tech before the war and he knew that going in. My house never smells, I vacuum daily (before and after maid) and they are pretty well behaved. This wasn't an issue before and he knows it. My D16 even offered to get rid of her "baby" to make him happy, which made him feel like garbage. Actually, I felt bad for both of them. I think his biggest issue with the animals is his dad's dog. FIL brought him here when he was sick and he's stayed once he passed. He's a yorkie and is not potty trained at all. H's dad just let him go wherever. I spend too much time on my hands and knees cleaning up after that dog. He can't and won't focus on that dog, so IMO he focuses on the cats.
He doesn't think I am organized enough. I'm really not sure how to change this one. WE aren't allowed to throw things away. I file paperwork. I keep the house clean. We have excellent credit. I'm stumped on that one.
He didn't like that I was a night owl. So, I tried switching to his schedule. I hated it and went back to what suits me. I get more accomplished and feel better.
The personal things about me that he has a problem with...
That I get involved. Long story, but to shorten it the best I can, I stood up against some wrong doing that involved a local non-profit. There was money misappropriated and many other things. I publicly spoke out about it and he thought I shouldn't have after the fact. He was actually in on all statements that I made to the public.
That I am too feisty. One minute that's adorable, the next it p!sses him off. I'm not even sure what that means any more. His definition changes day to day.
That I am not hard enough on the kids. This really applies to the girls only. I should throw the book at them for every infraction. S12 can do no wrong.
That I don't get involved with the kid's drama. I should step in, make it stop instead of letting them work it out and figure it out for themselves. I'm not talking about drama between our kids, but normal teenage girl craziness with other girls.
I am too accepting of people. Ummm, ok.
Oh yes, and that I pulled D16 from school to homeschool her. She was being bullied and I was beginning to seriously worry about her. He thought she should have pulled up her boot straps and dealt with it. I was worried she was going to harm herself. I begged him to please let's all sit down and talk about it. He wouldn't and let it go so long, I just made a decision. I didn't know what else to do.
I'm sure I forgot something. If I remember, I'll post it.
