Basically, I want some advice on how to communicate to her the amount she owes me, and to reinforce the fact that she needs to stop using our joint account since her checks are no longer going there. While being 'dark' is it OK to call/text to let her know? Should I wait? Any advice on how to word it?
You should not have a shared account with her if her check is not going into the account. You need to close the account and open a new one in your name only. That way when you pay bills the are soely paid by you and not a Joint account. Paying from the join account means she actually paying half the bill even though you're paying for the whole thing.
You need to protect yourself financially too. I opened a new account to start paying for the Mortgage. Do not have any joint accounts or credit cards.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I know, but you know, I trust her. We have talked about how this will all work and she is OK with it, for now.... If I notice any problems I will change accounts.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Use what denver wrote but please add when you expect to hear back from her.
WAW tend to drag their feet with decisions. So to advoid any anger on your part, put the time frame in there. ........W, Please let me know by next Monday.
If she gives you any problems, you should reconsider plan B. Completely separated accounts.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
It went well, she did not dispute the amount she owes. Then she sends me a vid of our D. I am sure I messed up but I reponded with a pic of our D. She reponded to that and I did not reply, convo over!
I feel like my situation is so weird. She does not express any anger towards me, never brings up our M, is friendly and contacts me regularly. This makes it so hard! I wish she would complain so I could at least validate and show her my changes. She still hasn't filed for D or even brought it up. I just feel like everything is in such limbo. She is just living her fantasy life like everything is peachy. She has to have doubt, she has to have anger, she has to have saddness. I wish she would express something!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
She is just living her fantasy life like everything is peachy. She has to have doubt, she has to have anger, she has to have saddness. I wish she would express something!
Exactly. She is living her fantasy life. She has her affair, and she still has her H as a friend.
It is a tough situation. I understand that you don't want to come across as mean. But why would she ever confront any doubt, anger or sadness that she may have if she isn't forced to confront it?
The only way to get her to confront those things, if they are there, is for her to see that she risks losing you by continuing on her current path.
The only way for her to see that is for you to go dark and GAL.
IMHO of course...
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I know, and that is my path. The thing is, everything is always about our D, so that leaves me in a tough spot. We'll see how this weekend goes while she is working and I have our D. I need to find the right balance...
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Is there a point where I should tell my wife that I do not think daily contact is 'healthy' for us right now?
One of my problems that I had in our M was an anger issue, that is why I am sensitive to the fact that I do not want her to perceive me as angry, and I am not. I can fear that if I just ignore her, she will think "same old xxx, he is p!ssed off again."
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I dealt with a similar issue. My 'typical' behavior with my W would have been ignoring her basically. So when I went dark, I feared that she would see it as me just being the same as always. It worked out just fine for me.
But I do agree Country, your sitch IS different than mine bc your W is not in the angry stage that is so common. Yet she IS having an active A. So I see your dilemma. I'm a little torn on what you should do.
You know what I would do? I am just thinking out loud here. I think that I would jump to the middle of my sitch where my W was being somewhat friendlier with me.
What I did during that period was let her initiate ALL contact. Be polite during all contact. Keep the conversations short and to the subject. Finally, make sure that you are the one that ends the conversation (bc you are busy doing fun stuff preferably).
What do others out there think of Country's dilemma?
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
