Trust... How do I learn to do it again?

[Sad_but_happy]

Thanks Golfgirl, it will be something I will need to struggle with for a little while. If I can't get over it then I will need to get on with it.

So this morning W takes a shower and stays in her towel while making the kids lunches and getting them off to school. This is highly unusual as she leaves the same time as the kids. After the kids leave she turns to me and says, "you have 15 minutes", (we of course took 25). It was mutually satisfying. But as is the case in these situations the mind starts to spin and I need advice...

W knows my LL is touch. I have told her many times that for me touch does not always mean sex. Contrary to so many perceptions, we men like to be touched too WITHOUT the expectation of sex (at least I do). Last night I explained to W that I don't always expect sex. I almost always WANT it but don't always EXPECT it. She believes that if she hugs or touches me that I think sex right away. I had no idea she thought like this. And to be honest, I never gave that impression. I'm almost positive of that. It's how she thinks ALL men are. I told her that is not how I am. Not sure she believed it...

So here is my question.

Is she testing me?

I don't believe she was since she was in a towel and ready to go.

I can see it being a test if she massaged my back or held my hand and I jumped on her which would prove her theory. But that was not the case.

She was naked and said, "you have 15 minutes."

Saying, "nah, let's just talk instead", would be a rejection, right?

Anyway, I will be away for the weekend and W will be alone to have some girl time with her friends.

I'm really not worried about OM any more. W is open about what she is doing and been texting/talking to friends to hang out at our house.

I think it's truly time to let it all go and try again to trust. She had reasons to leave. I told her many times that I didn't think we should be together. Said we were not compatible. Said she would make someone else happier then she could make me. It's easier to trust knowing I said these things cause in her mind I didn't want her. And I DID want out! Now that I am SHOWING that I love and care for her things are better.

thoughts? Comments? 2x4's?