It's the personal attacks. I don't know how to separate his words from reality.
I know that it comes from how I grew up. Nothing I did was ever right. Any mistake was brought up over and over and over again. Until you could hardly lift your head any more. My dad is an alcoholic and he is one of the meanest people I have ever met in my life. Cruel.
I left home at 18. I've sheltered my own kids from my parents as much as I could. My D16 and my nephew went with my parents to the drag races last year in Dallas. I've never let her go alone with them before. She was texting me almost constantly. OMG, mom, he's so mean. Nephew and I told your dad that if he kept it up, we'd call you and you'd come get us. Mom, how on earth did you survive this? Constant until she got home.
I am starting to feel like I'm married to my dad. It makes me want to be sick to my stomach. Everything was and still is my mom's fault and responsibility.
Years ago, he had a boat. He'd been in salt water that day so it was important that he clean it off before he took it back to storage. He lowered the motor, cleaned the boat and was ready to go. HE forgot to raise the motor back up and, as he was backing out of the driveway, broke off one of the props. He stops the truck and proceeds to scream at my mom in the driveway about how it was all her fault for not stopping him.
I don't know, Cat. I thought that I had. I've had so much freaking therapy, for so many years, it's almost stupid.
To hear the words from my H that I heard growing up...I don't know if I can do this. Obviously, I need to look at this again. It would hurt this bad, if there wasn't something still there.
I'm crying so hard right now, that I can't even really see to type any more.
