There is a difference in being mindful and over analyzing, to me anyway.
I think to some extent, you are always mindful of the whys even when the marriage is going along well. My W is grumpy. I don't want to start to assume that its because she hates me, wants to leave or trying to figure out what it means or go in a 1000 different directions.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
You're one of the exceptions to the LBS your story is a bit different. For me, I used to not care why, I'd just passive agressively retaliate, for years.
In fact in piecing? Why assume anything why guess? Just ask.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I think Kemper said it best, "just learn to live."
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
Ok so last week I got a little slammed for over analyzing on the bad side. Now I'm going to take a risk of getting slammed for the same thing on the good side....
Very nice weekend with W and family. Very busy but good. Several times W made comments that indicated long term thinking. Twice when in the car and telling me a story she tapped my hand in an "Oh I have to tell you..." kinda of way. I know that's not much, but those taps are the only physical contact she's initiated in months. I'll take it!
And then last night, I came to bed and she was watching a soap opera she'd recorded earlier. I made a comment about a women on there with a man half her age. She said "well, if you were single you'd go get a women half your age, why can't a women do that too?". I said "I don't want an 18 year old, I want a 36 year old." and then I joked with a smile "what are you saying, when you dump me, you're getting an 18 year old guy?". She replied "First, who said I'm dumping you? and Second, you can't keep up with me how would an 18 year old?". Me = smiles.
Also yesterday, we had a friend of W's over to the house. Her feeling comfortable with spending time with friends has always been an issue for us, but I can tell she's really feeling ok about it now. Anyway, TM from W this morning "Thanks again for getting to know ABC". I replied "No thanks necessary, any friend of yours...". From her: ":) ILY"
Good stuff. Baby steps. I may be guilty of over analyzing, but I for sure will not be guilt of over pressuring (again)....
M: 39 W: 37 Married: 9 D5; S3 "It's Over" 09/26/10 11 Day Sep 10/10 Piecing Starts 11/4/10 Piecing Fails 4/11 I move out 5/11 Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11 Piecing #2 - 6/22/11 Home 10/11
