Think MLC should be my new home

[cat04]

First, to correct Mach's bad fingers since we have no Edit button...

He meant to say

Trickle down... NOT tickle down...

I have noticed that I start getting tense when the kids first get home from school bc H will be home shortly thereafter.

This is actually normal. I remember the days when I just wished H wouldn't come home for that very reason.

It was one complaint after another. From the guy in the lunch line to the f'ing idiots driving home.

Isn't every man like this?

Trust me on this one, it is better than the silence that can come with this.

Really, it is water off of a duck's back. You have to learn to let it roll. If you can't handle this sort of stuff, the personal attacks, you will never be able to walk away from.

They will always end up in an argument.

And this is a perfect example of that...

We get in bed. We're facing each other talking and he says, "Well, the london broil was a bit rare, but the potatoes and green beans were perfection."

"I knew you'd find something negative to say." Could NOT stop the words from falling out of my mouth.

This is hard and I'm not sure that I am any good at this. It feels fake. I feel like I am acting fake. I don't want to pretend that I am in a good mood, when I'm not. I feel like I did before I got help all those years ago. Like there is this bright smile on my face that doesn't quite reach my eyes. For me, this is like stepping backwards. Pretending like everything is ok, when it's not.

I know I must be missing something. What? Tell me.

It is fake right now. It is called acting AS-IF.

It is important to do that, until you aren't acting anymore. It takes the fuel out of the fire.

Rae, did you read DR yet?

Here is the thing...

Right now, you want everything to be better and I have a feeling you have some "fixer" in you (don't we all?)

Whatever this is, you can't fix for him.

If you feel like you are stepping backwards, then you need to figure out how to step forward for you.

What you are missing, in this whole thing, is that this is different than anything you have ever dealt with because...

MLC is illogical. DB is illogical.

Until you really understand them. Then they make perfect sense.