Well, I was VERY into sex before my security was threatened. My H brought a lot of healing to me as far as my past was concerned. It was like I discovered a whole new world!!! But like I said, my security with him was threatened and that went away. Then, I guess I preferred take care of it myself. I never stopped being sexual, I just didn't want him involved. That was conscious.
When he upped the ante and stopped the kisses goodbye, the lunches, the smoke breaks and everything else, I went into hyper detach mode. Then I didn't want him near me. That was unconscious. I didn't even realize what I was doing.
So, my point? She's likely making both conscious and unconscious choices right now. Keep that in perspective because she is struggling a lot too. She likely doesn't understand everything that she is feeling. She may feel an awful like I do. I want to so bad, but I'm scared to death. It's your job to make it ok for her. You are building up the emotional bank, that's awesome. Now you need to get her used to the touches.
I thought about this subconscious thing with my W. I can literally see her catch herself when she tries to do something loving with me. It's almost like that wall grabs her to protect her.
HOWEVER. At night when that wall is non-existent and asleep, she rolls over with me. Holds me. Let's me cuddle in very sensual positions. I look at that as the true W and know that will some time in the future, be the norm.
Yep. Filling up that bank, baby!
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
I wish I could talk to her. I feel bad for her because she probably doesn't understand everything that is going through her. For me, that's just terrifying. I would imagine her reactions are along the same lines...
This is all going to be ok, Bolt. Just keep the pendulum moving your way...
