Cat sweetie, it was a goodbye letter. Not to you all, but as Cadet said, to my H. Even more than that though, it was a good bye to who H and I were together. That thread that kept me holding on finally snapped.
That doesn't mean that I have stopped loving H, I still do and I believe I always will. It's just a true acceptance of what is, is and there is nothing I can do to fix it. God truly has the situation in hand.
I find now that I envision my life going forward and those visions do not include H any longer. I'm starting to get excited about the possibilities that lay ahead. Of doing things I only dreamed about before because they would not have been possible during the confines of my marriage. My 'wish list' is now my 'bucket list'. (Nod to my friend Brook)
I find myself more and more like the person I was before marriage. I just am able to add a little more experience, wisdom and understanding to her many facets, not to mention a few years.
I know there is still some tough stuff ahead in facing the official end of my marriage, but I feel the strength to face it head on. No, this wasn't my choice, but it is my choice as to what I do with it. I owe it to myself and my children to make the best of it!
I can now say that I'm truly grateful for this journey and what I have learned and continue to learn. I believe I'm starting to see a little light. This is due in no small part to all of you. I thank you all that have walked this path before and have paved the way to all of us who have come after. I now know the pain you've gone through to gain your knowledge and wisdom and am deeply appreciative and grateful that you stayed here to pay what you've learned, forward.
To those who have reached out personally, you know how I feel about you. You have my respect, loyalty and love.
To those who are walking this path with me, I hope you all feel as I do and will stick around to give back to those we know are yet to come. Regardless of how our sitches turn out, we have valuable lessons learned to pay forward. What better way to say thank you for the help we've received through our darkest days than to try and help those who come after?
Said so well SA! That is exactly the feeling I wasn't able to describe in my own sitch a few weeks back. It's like "Hello me, where have you been all this time" Things about ourselves that we pushed away because they weren't favs of our spouses, etc.
You are over the hump. I know you are. Day by day, things will be a bit brighter and clearer as time passes. A feeling of normalcy will steal over your life again. Doesn't mean you stopped loving your H, just that you are leaving him to a higher power for remodeling. LOL.
Thank you to many of you that are serving as an inspiration to many of us. We know that by looking at you there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even thought it might not be the tunnel we wanted at the time.
A coworker (half my age!) wrote to me yesterday that I was a very strong lady. I never saw myself like that before. This process will make us stronger, and better, people.
Yes, I could have done better during my marriage and I own that and will never forget those lessons.
Hindsight is 20/20 SA. Now that you know better you will do better. Now that you have different tools in your tool chest you will deal with things differently. As for never forgetting…I hear ya. I believe it is important to keep a little bit of the pain around, as a reminder of our mistakes so that we do not make them again.
Quote:
I did not foresee this and I should have...in hindsight the signs were there. I was too busy in my role to pay attention.
Many of us did not foresee this SA…..Don’t let guilt creep in and force you to relive your past. Don’t let thoughts of could have should have take a hold of you. Why?
Quote:
The one thing I believe is that it truly would not have mattered whether I was a perfect wife or a biotch on wheels to my H, this would have ended up happening anyway.
Because of this ^^^^^ you are right….it would have happened anyway.
In closing I leave you with this…..
God’s will!
At the end of the day, the only thing we can control is ourselves – the rest is in his hands. You SA, are in his hands and as long as your are there….we’ll everything will be alright.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm starting to get excited about the possibilities that lay ahead.
I find myself more and more like the person I was before marriage. I just am able to add a little more experience, wisdom and understanding to her many facets, not to mention a few years.
Bravo SA, Bravo !!!!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
The funny thing about 'refinding ourselves' is that in probably half the cases, the Spouse will notice the change and remember that is who they fell in love with in the first place. Then promptly went about changing those very things about us. And we let it happen.
It doesn't mean your spouse will be at the door panting to return to your arms, but it's just such an odd, ODD, parallel sort of world.
Keep looking ahead, not behind. If you look behind, you'll run into a tree. Happens all the times in the movies. LOL
I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from me. I've have finally let go and it is freeing.
I deserve more than to be clinging to someone who doesn't want to be with me. I'm worth more than the few crumbs thrown my way that I mistakenly viewed as 'signs'. This is not to say that those types of things are not signs in someone else's sitch. I do know that if H hadn't filed for D, I would still be looking for signs.
I cannot do anything about how he chooses to live his life. That is his choice. God willing, exciting things lie ahead for me!
I realize I had to go through a process to get to the other side. No one knows what lays on the other side. It may be your S, and it may not. Success is not defined about whether your M is restored or not. It's defined by what you make of the time you've been given.
I refuse to spend that time resentful, angry and bitter. I will take the blessings I received during my M and cherish them, nurture them and watch them flourish. That includes not just my children, but my dreams as well.
I did write H a short email. It was not at all the type of letter I was thinking of writing him. That advice did not go unheard. It was sent with no expectations, a few truth darts, and entirely for me.
You were right Punkin, the light is definitely getting brighter and things are becoming clearer.
I will get through this D and my mantra will be "Live and let live." I intend to do just that!
SA, I am so glad that you feel as if a weight has gone. It is even greater when the pain of the divorce is finally over.
Do not mistrust your instincts - what you were seeing probably were 'signs'. Just as the signs of MLC are small at first, and pass almost undetected at the time, so are the early signs of a reversal of the process.
But it is harder to climb out of MLC than to slide into it, because it involves work, and facing up to what they have done.
I have come to the view that those who have a long and protracted MLC [and may or may not emerge] are maybe better left to sort themselves out. We have put our life on hold, to some extent, as long as we wait for them and hope for the restoration of our marriage. That is the nature of the commitment, but at some point I believe it does everyone concerned more harm than good to go on waiting.
The WAS already knows we love them and have waited. Message received and understood, but still on Planet Zog. And we have pretty much healed and are emotionally ready to take on the world again, and fully re-engage with life. We need to do this when it prompts us. We now love and respect ourselves again, and have decided not to be treated so poorly.
As you rightly say, we are no longer anrgy and resentful. We have accepted the situation and let go of it to move forward.
