Cat sweetie, it was a goodbye letter. Not to you all, but as Cadet said, to my H. Even more than that though, it was a good bye to who H and I were together. That thread that kept me holding on finally snapped.
That doesn't mean that I have stopped loving H, I still do and I believe I always will. It's just a true acceptance of what is, is and there is nothing I can do to fix it. God truly has the situation in hand.
I find now that I envision my life going forward and those visions do not include H any longer. I'm starting to get excited about the possibilities that lay ahead. Of doing things I only dreamed about before because they would not have been possible during the confines of my marriage. My 'wish list' is now my 'bucket list'. (Nod to my friend Brook)
I find myself more and more like the person I was before marriage. I just am able to add a little more experience, wisdom and understanding to her many facets, not to mention a few years.
I know there is still some tough stuff ahead in facing the official end of my marriage, but I feel the strength to face it head on. No, this wasn't my choice, but it is my choice as to what I do with it. I owe it to myself and my children to make the best of it!
I can now say that I'm truly grateful for this journey and what I have learned and continue to learn. I believe I'm starting to see a little light. This is due in no small part to all of you. I thank you all that have walked this path before and have paved the way to all of us who have come after. I now know the pain you've gone through to gain your knowledge and wisdom and am deeply appreciative and grateful that you stayed here to pay what you've learned, forward.
To those who have reached out personally, you know how I feel about you. You have my respect, loyalty and love.
To those who are walking this path with me, I hope you all feel as I do and will stick around to give back to those we know are yet to come. Regardless of how our sitches turn out, we have valuable lessons learned to pay forward. What better way to say thank you for the help we've received through our darkest days than to try and help those who come after?
