Albuquerque living part 3:Strapped in for the ride

[Albuquerque]

Brief update,

After the strange night with H on Tuesday, he was still fairly chatty Wednesday. He came over in the evening and we went out to eat. After dinner, we came back to the house and he presented D and I with some homemade creme brulee that he had made. He told me that he had planned to make them for me for V-day but I had ended up having to work so that didn't happen. I didn't say anything. Previous to Tuesday, he was acting as if he had no interest in me so I didn't WANT to do anything for V-day. It seemed like it would have been forced and wrong. Anyhow, we thoroughly enjoyed our desserts. H insisted on sitting next to me on the couch unlike previous times. When D went into her room, he leaned over and gave me a very sweet tender kiss. It felt more affectionate than anything he's given me in the loooongest time. But then I could still see him struggling within himself. I asked him if he needed to go and he said yes. He gave me a long hug and was off. He texted me later and apologized for having to leave. He implied that he had hoped to have a repeat bedroom session. I just sent a "frowny face". And for the record, I'd like to say that I think emoticons are one of the best DB tools we have. It's like saying "I'm sad for you" or "I'm happy for you" without saying it which sometimes sounds kind of silly. Anyhow, I digress.

Today has been very different. He was not online at all and didn't text me much at all. I had a dr's appt this afternoon and asked if H could pick up D from school at the last minute. He was able to but just dropped her off at the house and left immediately. So I never saw him. I've emailed back and forth with him a few times and texted a few times but anytime this happens I know that he's having a very bad anxiety day.

So the journey continues. I continue to try and stay focused on me and it is so much easier now than I ever thought it could be. But just because it is easier, doesn't mean it's not still hard.