FOBD and all of my other BITS here is something i posted on my thread but also thought i would post it here. hope you don't mind FOBD
A good friend of mine and his wife are now really enjoying there M, but this was not always the case. The W had an affair one night while he was out of town. It was discovered and the two seperated. At the time they had one D8. From everything we heard it was over and a D was imminent. The H was seeing other people, I'm not sure if the W was too, the house was sold, and everything was on track for a D. The H amy have tried to hide his emotions by going to the arms of OW, but as a close friend of his, i knew he was dying inside. Then things began to change. They were spending time together and eventually decided to work things out. Happy ending right....not at this point!
The two were back together and everyone assumed things were going great. The W had even become pregnant with there second child. One night she dropped the bomb on him. She was going to visit a friend and when she returned she would be moving in with her parents....it was over. She was still pregnant at this point. They were S for around four months and again it was expected that they would D. As time went on they began spending more and more time together. They eventually worked it out and are now working on a great M.
They both have been very supportive of my efforts to save my M. i like advice from both of them. Her, being a WAW, has been very interesting to talk to. i want to share with all of you some of the advice she has givin me in emails.
here's the first one:
I have gone through times with H where I just wasn't sure if that was what I wanted. It is hard for a woman to function in life sometimes. After I had D8 I changed. I wanted more and wasn't happy. As a Mommy you change. Life is all of a sudden seen through different eyes and you want different things. H was the same and I had changed. It took a while for us to get back onto the same page. He was not the man I saw myself with. We did counseling and focused a lot on us. He needed to get more involved as a daddy and once he did I was more attracted to him as a H. I don't think a wife/mother should have to tell there spouse what to do, I expected him to do it. And that was wrong, because he didn't know what to do. Helping out and doing more things with D8 without me having to tell him or ask him was important. Mom's have the hardest jobs. We need help but don't want to have to ask, we want you to just do it. So, that is just some advice. Give her space but try to strive and be "that guy" that she wants to be with.
Here's the second one:
Unfortunately a M is a give take and sometimes I have felt like I am a give give person and H was a take take. I was able to look at our life and everything we have and our children and decide that we needed to make it work. I love him and we did have to go through some real bad times to get where we are today. Have you thought of counseling or offered it to her? I think she has turned off her emotions about it all and that is why it is so easy for her to just say its done. That is what I did. Then I had to feel again and it hurt too much. I wish I could just give you the answer, but I can't. I hope with time and space she realizes what she had with you and D2 and tries to make it work. You need to try to move on and do you. You can't keep living for her or living for hope to make your family one again. It sometimes was irritating to me when H seemed so overly willing to get back together. You need to be happy and confident in you and that is an appealing thing for a girl.
These responses are very reassuring in reguards to the LRT and a 180. She wanted to be givin space and a chance to look at her M. Even when everyone else was just assuming it was over, they never gave up on each other. Through the darkness they found light. We can't give up
