On another note, John170 posed a question about his W wanting him to find another woman. My W mentioned something similar to me a couple of nights ago. She stated that my next girlfriend can thank her for the changes I've made. I didn't know what to say or gather from that remark. Really? What could I say?
I would say "I'm really sorry you feel that way. I take my marriage vows seriously, and until we're divorced -- if that's what ends up happening -- I can assure you, I'm NOT interested in another woman."
or simply
"That doesn't fit with my own value system, but thank you for your concern."
As for the hug, try to let HER initiate anything like that. Standing there with your arms open, basically begging for one, isn't very attractive. Ditto for the word "feelings." Imagine your conversation with your wife in the car, recounted above, but instead of saying "those are my feelings! you can't take away my feelings!", you had said
"I hear what you're saying, we did discuss this before, but I've done a lot of thinking, and I've decided that that no longer works for me."
Trying using the "I have decided that _______" phrasing more often; it's leading, and it's strong, and it's attractive.
