Thanks HB. That's what I figured. H has had all of the control during this crisis and the ball was always in his court and that is the part that stinks.
They get to choose what to do. Oh well.
I still haven't heard anything about the house being put up for sale, so I'm hoping and praying that the text is making him think for a change. I had to have a realtor's name into my lawyer by Jan. 31st because his lawyer said that H has to agree to the realtor and I haven't heard from my lawyer either.
So hoping and praying no news is good news.
Thanks HB for dropping by. I greatly appreciate it.
Do your level best to impart on them a sense of SELF Worth. Google self esteem kids, self worth, projects and such. Alright?
Yes he does impact them, but you are also there, so as an excuse goes...don't fall on it. More work for you, yes, no one said life was fair when you joined up. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
H called D14 on the 13th and he was drinking.....asks her what her problem is and she said nothing and he said then why haven't you called or texted me in 3 weeks. Well, she let all of her anger out that she has been holding in for the last 2 years.
She told him he was the adult and he should be calling and checking on her and that all he cares about is drinking and his extended family and his 2 sons (from a high school relationship). And she has him on speaker and he went off on her....I couldn't believe what I heard. He said scr** you and your mother and when you are 18 and come knocking on my door I will tell you the truth and she said I know the truth dad, and I'm sick of you knocking mom down and we have been going through hell for the last 2 years. And she told him to be a man and tell the truth that he was thinking about coming home 3 weeks ago and he does this again and he needs to take care of his family.
It wasn't pretty at all. So anyway instead of him acting like a man he acted her age or really younger. I can't believe he is acting like this again. So he must of ran to his sister and told her everything so she goes off on our D14 on Facebook that she shouldn't talk to father like that and so on.....well, D14 gives it right back to her because his sister was always picking on her whenever H would take her over there for visitation. H's sister could care less about H but they love all of this, not only are me and the kids loosing everything but he is too and that's right up her alley.
He ruined our credit since the separation, and now I have to sell the house since he moved forward with the D when he got mad 3 months ago and I would never be able to buy another one and don't want another mortgage payment for 30 more years. What's the sense? Plus it will take me forever to get my credit back and I have no clue how me are going to survive once the D goes through. There won't be any more spousal (boy, didn't realize how much this hurts, been crying for 2 days now).
So back to D14, she blocked his number so he couldn't text or call her because she was so mad and next thing you know my phone is ringing and it's him. I just hit ignore because I couldn't take him yelling at me, plus when I heard him putting all the blame on me again I was upset.
Yesterday he called twice but I couldn't answer cause I was in the Dr.'s office. The second time he left one of his mean and nasty messages saying that he never told me he loved me 3 weeks ago (which he did), never said he was thinking about coming home (which he did), and never told me to contact his family because they never liked me from day one (which he did), and that is another one of his lies. They even set our wedding date. They couldn't wait for us to get married.
He didn't talk to them for over 12 years, and when we separated he made up with them and must have told them lies about me and blamed me for him not speaking to them.
He is making me feel like I'm cracking up. Do all MLCer's lie as bad as he does? Why lie? And what is with this going back and forth. Our D14 said, wait and see he will be calling in 3 weeks again. But I blocked his number also, so in return he blocked mine. He also told me in the message for me and my D14 (yep, no typo he said my daughter), to go through his lawyer if we wanted to contact him and to never call or text him again.
He is making me feel like I'm cracking up. Do all MLCer's lie as bad as he does?
Goodfight, there was one point before my W walked out that I caught her in atleast one lie a day for 26 days straight. I quit counting.
She lies as easily as she blinks.
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Your husband is in fact a child in a man's body right now. If you go into parent ( punitive, lecturing...etc.) mode he will react like a child. He will lie and behave like a brat.
If you go into child mode with him, you will squabble and he's brought you down to his level.
If you stay in adult mode ( setting appropriate boundaries) he's going to be forced to deal with you ( eventually) on YOUR level.
Yeah yeah, easy to say, not so easy to do in the heat of the moment. Hope it helps a little anyway.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Thanks everyone. Jack, I am happy that he didn't come home 3 weeks ago.
I know H and he does not want to go against his family. So he needs to look like the good guy and lie to them also. He is making things much much worse, and doesn't even see it.
He has got so many people involved too. Do they do this too??
It's like he can not be the bad guy at all in front of anyone.
It's funny that you said that Jack, cause someone said to me that they think H is broken.
I don't know what to think....what stage he is in or what. He is bouncing around more frequently lately than he was when he first left. He would go for months without bothering with me and now whether good or bad it's around every month. But I can't put up with the pulling me in and then throwing me away, it's killing me. 3 weeks ago he loved me and now he hates me again and can't wait to get D'd.
Well, I was hoping and praying that H would reconsider selling our home but I just got the call from the Realtor and he said that H's lawyer called him to come pick up the papers that H signed them.
I really upset over all of this....I know I should be strong but it is so hard. I was just praying and have been and passed H 3 times within the past week while driving. Saturday was the last day that I passed him and I guess he signed the papers today.
This is the only home we will ever have again whether we get D'd or not. H ruined my credit since he has been gone and this is the second home I had to sell because of him and I can't pay on a 30 year mortgage again especially at my age.
His family that is influencing him are loving every minute of this, he isn't looking at the big picture. They all have their family homes, spouses to come home and kids to come home to and he doesn't have any of that right now, and is still depressed and stuff....not looking at the big picture. Not only are they loving this because of the way they feel about me but also him too. They are very mean people and only care about themselves, they never treated H good at all, from the day I met them. So they also don't want H to have anything in life. But they have him so brainwashed that he actually thinks they are helping him.
Sorry for going on and on.....just need to vent. Having a really bad day today!
I am so sorry! I understand this pain about the house so much. XH let our beautiful home with over 100k in equity go to short sale over a year ago. You are still young, you can have a house again, don't get discouraged. My credit is ruined too, but I am hopeful that I can get it straightened out at some point and own a home again.
I don't really understand the family thing with your H..why do they hate you so much? I have read most of your sitch, but don't see how this all went down and why they don't like you, when you seem sooo very likable. Do they have a relationship with D12?
I am not in a good place with XH right now and had a really awful day with him. I have come to a place where I really wonder why I am fighting so hard for this man, who is so in and out of reality and logic?!? I know there have to be "normal" men out there and I am sure I will meet one someday when I am ready.
I hope you have a much better day tomorrow and I am still just so very sorry about what your H is doing to your daughter. I can take it, but what sets me off the most is when he hurts our kids.
That is what happened today with us, he said he was coming up here on Wednesday, but wasn't sure when he was leaving, I asked "why" and he said because he is coaching some other kids (not our kids since we live far away) basketball team. I didn't say much, then today, it was really getting to me that he was going to cut his visit short with his own kids go go be with other peoples kids and I sent him an email, very nicely expaining that this wasn't a good idea for our kids sake. He never responded, so I texed him asking if he got the email..he said he did, but was still waiting to hear when he had to get back for this basketball practice. I was sooooo upset...I said "why does it matter? Can't you put your own kids first for one weekend?" He then called me yelling at me saying "your such a hot head (which I use to be but am not at all anymore), I am trying to get the schedule figured out so I can cover the practices" By this time I was crying and was very calm..I just told him that I wanted him to put our kids first and he said "then you shouldn't have moved them away", and hung up on me!! Wow!! Typical MLC stuff, blaming me... and I am so sick of it. I texted him and said "until you realize that what YOU did is the only reason we moved away, you will remain an angry and bitter man, move on, this is where we are now, you chose this and I have forgiven you for all you have done to me, it is time for you to forgive me"
It is a mess, he is a mess, and I am just tired of being the good person, the strong person, and not rocking the boat with him. He goes from wanting all of us to live in the same town to not even caring if he sees his kids or spends time with them. What a loon! I am sure he will come up here anyway, but I really think he has pushed me far enough this time, he is on his own. You can hurt me all you want, but continue to mess with my kids and I will bite back and hard!!!
Sorry to go on and on...but I want you to be strong and not give in like I have and continue to "drink the kool-aid" as Mila puts it...You are doing great!! Love your daughter and love yourself, you both deserve better and the very best!!
A
Me-40 XH-44 T-21 M-18 Div-19 mo. D-18,S-15,D-11 Bomb-7/07 EA,PA Mvd out-9/07-to give me space mvd back-12/07 mvd out-7/08 back with OW since 2/08 OW broke it off-1/10 in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
