New and need help.

[Seminolewind]

I am starting to notice a pattern with my wife. During our marriage she has made many huge decisions that have impacted our family greatly. She has quit some very good jobs and regretted quiting later. Funny how she quit the marriage and I think she may regret that in time. I don't really know if she will ever regret this but I know I can't sit and dwell on all of the negativity.

I really don't like that she is acting like a best freind and not a mother to our oldest daughter. This kid really needs a mother at this point in her life and she is making very poor decisions. I just found out that she has not been going to her history class and she has an amazing 3.03 average. I did get a text from the wife saying she thinks our daughter needs some sort of punishment. Well my thoughts are to quit letting her do as she pleases and make her get her school work done. Did I mention that my wife was a school teacher a few years back? I would think she could help the kid learn how to study and maybe become responsible. Guess I am just a little dissapointed with everything in my life.

I am thankfull I have this place to vent it will help me so I don't take all of this out on my wife.

[lostinscared]

Ugh... not good Seminole. Is it possible to sit down and have a conversation with your W about your daughter? Grades slipping, skipping classes and engaged? Recipe for disaster. It's time to intervene a bit more. I suspect that her complaint about you being mean to the kids was more that you disciplined the kids. We all need discipline to thrive. Perhaps you can help your W come up with a plan that might work better in supporting your daughter's education?

Oh and will she regret quitting the marriage? Yeah, probably. A lot of them do. My parents have been divorced 35 years... I talk to my dad a lot about my own situation these days. There isn't a single conversation in the last 4 months that I've had with my dad where he hasn't mentioned that he regrets divorcing my mom. But we have more tools now than our parents did. We can do better.

I'm praying for you.

LIS

[Seminolewind]

I have always been the one that diciplined the girls. Since I was kicked to the curb, mom has been more of a friend to our oldest and has been letting her do whatever she wants. This is definately not working in my book. The engagement will crash and burn, they are both very imature and they can't even stay together for more than a month. I guess I am not really concerned with the engagement. It won't last and I will have to clean up the mess.

My wife I feel will one day regret everything she is doing. Will that help me? I don't know yet, I want to save my marriage but can I ever trust her again? I have many questions and I don't know if I can honestly answer any of them at this time. I am going to let the divorce happen and stand back and watch what happens. I am going to enjoy my life and become the best choice for anyone. I have so many ideas running through my head that I don't know which direction to turn.

Everyday is a new day in my strange little world.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

The link is considered an ad.

But googling what MsRae suggested isn't.

Trust can be regained but it takes effort on both parts.

You seem pretty strong Seminole, and those ideas in your head, you don't have to act on them right now. Let some things settle.

[Seminolewind]

I got my first positive turn tonight from my wife! I sent her a very good detatchment email today, she didn't respond but she has been texting me a lot about nothing. So I am in hard core as if DB mode. I know baby steps but it's a start. Wish me luck!

[♪CS♪]

Good luck! Your story hits home with me a lot. I will keep following to see how you are doing. Wish I could offer more, but I am more confused than anyone!

[Denver_2010]

What is a 'detachment' email?

Seems to me that if you are sending your S an email about how your are detaching, it is, by definition, not detachment.

BITS
Denver

[Seminolewind]

Denver I told my wife in the email that by her having the afair it made me realize that I could live without her and I realized now that I really just wanted someone that loved me. I said now that you are happy maybe we both can be happy and move forward in our lives. I also told her that I didn't know if we could ever be friends again but we do have two beautiful kids together that are going to need their mother and father. Then on the list that she gave me I validated the whole list in a way that I agreed how I had been lacking in the marriage.

Now for the reason that I did this. I think she has backed off from the OM and I think she is really fighting herself in this whole situation. I know this woman really well and I also know that she is very confused and she is not thinking clearly.

We had parent teacher conferences before the texting. I didn't mention the email, I just went and talked with the teachers about our kids then she started initiating conversation. I haven't talked to her since Sunday when she called about the water heater. Now she started the texting then a brief phone call, so that is a move in a different direction. Our youngest has a dodge ball tournament today, she asked if I was going and I said yes. She told me how excited she was about the tournament. Something changed in her attitude with me in the last 24 hours. So I say a positive sign. I might be wrong but I am going to continue being the upbeat, happy go lucky kind of guy I used to be long ago.

[Denver_2010]

Seminole - I just read through your entire thread. I apologize that I didn't come here more quickly when you found out about the PA. I was dealing with my own sh!t right about then.

Has the divorce papers actually been filed?

Can you better describe the positive sign from your W that you mentioned a post or two back? I definitely think that we need to keep our eyes open for even the slightest victories, but I also think that sometimes our minds deceive us.

I'm just trying to get a better handle on where you are with your situation right now.

BITS
Denver

P.S. If I don't respond... over to my thread and remind me. You are still a 'new member' so your thread sometimes gets buried. Not sure why, but they do.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

They get buried because when the post gets approved, it posts at the time the post was written not the time it was approved, I believe.