W is NOT into feelings, acts more like a guy

[Queen_of_Swords]

OK, that makes sense!
Sorry for the delay in response. If you followed any of my threads you'll note I had an intense couple days. I'm in the pink today LOL.

Sounds like H has a lot to untangle, and not much in the way of good role models.

Yes, my H was very wounded as a child and I KNOW a lot of that is driving his behaviour on a subconcious level. Sad part is he has to help himself and isn't and perahps never will. Although... it's interesting he is on board with me in wanting pur children to do the same program I am in that addresses this ugly stuff.

You've been holding things together I suspect. You must be tired and probably feel it's unfair. I would. So when you interact with H you both probably anticipate tension and conflict.

Yes that's a lot of it for me. I've been responsible for so much of our shared lives.
I waited for him to do his part, or take the lead but he didn't step up, and someone had to take the wheel and steer. He feels I am controlling as a result. sigh

I don't know why I ask this but can you and H be together and not talk about anything...my W and I sometimes watch TV shows at night when we are too tired to talk. Just by sitting a little closer than I might like to when we're disagreeing sort of sends a signal, like I'm mad but I'm still here. I don't know - maybe that wouldn't work for anyone else. When I want my W to know I'm sorry I let her pick some chick flick, someting with Brad Pitt in it usually, and I try to stay awake for at least an hour. <Yes, I've seen pretty much all of Brad's movies.> When I'm really in a foul mood I watch the same movie and when W and I were good she'd watch it againa dn again. Point is, we didn't talk. Maybe there is something you do/did together like this? Get the feeling you read alot. Maybe that would work.
We did do that in the past. I've seen practically every bad movie ever made ( I called my H the king of B movies). It's not possible right now, he's gone and we have minimal contact via child care/visitation issues. He does not choose to spend time with me without that factored in.

As you know, I'm in no situation to offer real advice. Except to say that the things I hear on this site make sense to me and seem to work....when I let them.

Yes they do work. Behavioural change is hard especially when it's counterintutive and you're screaming inside saying this is so wrong! It's also hard when progress appears to be glacial in pace. You lose track of the good things that way.

Hope you're doing well.

You too! Today I'm good so I'll run with it. One day at a time is the best we can do right now.