WAW on the Peninsula

[LITB]

This morning has been emotional for me after the W and I went to our appointment with the document company yesterday. Now reality is beginning to set in.

Overall the appointment went well. We agree on everything with the exception of custody. She wants to take the kids with her to NM in the middle of July. If that’s what ends up happening, then I will only get to see them 25% of the time if I stay up here. If I move to NM, then I will get them 50% time. I don’t want to move to NM. Right now, I am waiting for a return call from the L to see if I can go the uncontested route and at the last minute contest custody. I hope it can be done, so I can buy more time.

The W’s current plan is to move to NM at the end of March to find employment and get herself a place to live. That will give me the kids for at least 4 months after she leaves. Hopefully her time away will give her a reality check on what life is going to be after leaving our M. My ultimate hope is that she will come out of the fog before she moves.

Last night on the drive back we were able to talk. It immediately got heated when she asked me why it feels like I don’t agree with her on the custody when we already made that decision.

M: “I don’t agree because I feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick!!”
W: “Then you should have taken care of me!!”
M: “Those are my feelings. You can’t take away my feelings!!”
W: “I can never ask you anything, because you always get defensive!!”
M: “These are my kids too, you act like I don’t have feelings!!”
W: “You always get defensive and feel like I’m attacking you when I ask you something. That’s why I hate asking you anything.”
M: “I understand, you are right. I apologize.”

At this point I just started listening and validating, but I needed to let my feelings about custody be known to her. There are a couple of reasons I am going along with her on this decision. One is the buy me time to save our M and the other is because she felt that I made decisions without her input. Hopefully it pays dividends in the end.

By the time we got home, everything was calm and our talk covered many other aspects of what has gone on since the bomb. We sat in the driveway for about another 20 minutes.

We got on the topic about OM she had EA. She was wondering why I asked her about her phone the night before when I never have done this in the past. I told W because of the OM and her not being honest with me when she was in Vegas. W said the EA and her plan with OM was dumb. She don’t know what she was thinking, other than she was just so unhappy that she was looking for anyway out. W says she almost forgets that the EA even happened and that she is ashamed of it.

This whole thing is so confusing at times.

Please ask questions and share advice. I can definitely use some encouragement.