I still want to make this work

[ninelives]

Hey Country:

Read your thread and if you are a teacher we live in a paralle universe as almost the exact thing is going on with me.

Going dark is the best way to go. My therapist told me that my w and im sure yours knows that you want her back and that gives her security. Cake eating whatever you want to call it.
When you go dark they start to wonder what is going on in your life and will you still be there when their affair fizzles. I love the analogy of the rope dropping, it makes so much sense.

When my wife feels me pulling away it bothers her, then she initiates contact and the poor me syndrome and that she doesnt know what she is doing and that she blew up her life etc.. Then cries her eyes out. Me , Im a sucker for the crying and the profess my undying love and tell her all will be forgiven and then she gets her strength back. The analogy my therapists makes is one to a well. Her well was empty when I was dark and then when she knows she has me again in the wings, I have filled up her well and she pushes away again and continues with her relationship with OM. Its not an affair anymore.

You gotta be strong and really go on with your life. The affair will probably fizzle out in time but thats when you have to make a decision. Will I still be there when she is ready to come back?

If the answer is yes, then you work on piecing, if the answere is no, then you are down the road to recovery.

All the best Country.