Piecing is almost harder than before...

[Harrier]

I have a plan. I have been spending every waking moment of my life for 5 months trying to figure out how to make W feel better. No more. I can't make her do it. She has to decide if she wants to or not and if the answer is no, then that really stinks but it is what it is. Peace out.

That is your problem. You can't make W feel better. You can't.

I was talking about this with my IC yesterday. He basically gave me the old adage "Only you can make yourself happy."

I think you, Bolt and I have been torturing ourselves by focusing so much on what we are missing instead of what we have. Focusing on how are wives can "make" us feel better, instead of taking that responsibility ourselves. Always looking to the next thing instead of focusing on the present.

I have a 2X4 for you. The marriage and wife you had are GONE FOR GOOD. Before 2010, I had a great, great marriage and my W would've agreed. But you can only mourn what you had for so long. You are building a new marriage and hopefully a better strong marriage.

Also your W has changed. We all changed. We don't move through life in a state of consistency. Are you the same person you are when you got married? Of course not.
Now perhaps she not the person you want now. But have to remember that both of your lives went through a major upheaval. That will affect a person.

Now if you both decide you want to work on a better M, then you have to decide if you can do it with the new W your W is and she has to make that same choice.

Look, I know it's tough especially when there is so much uncertainty. Piecing is tougher than DBing. But the rewards can be great.

I hope you do find some peace and things do workout.

In my situation, my W and I were talking. Now she is in a much different place than your W. She is working really hard. She alludes all the time that she does love me and cares for me. She is positive and does think we can get back to a happy M.
But the other night she said "who knows what will happen with our marriage." That kinda bugged me because she hadn't said that in a long time and all her other statements about our M were positive. It kinda showed me that the road is long indeed.