Well, last night was eventful. H and I had a two-hour long convo discussing things. I could write a long, drawn out post, but I will keep it short. Kind of because all of the details are moot, but mainly because that time when he went through my phone, he found a link to this board and has been reading my posts - and will probably read this one, too.

He basically told me that I was a very good wife and he was not a very good husband. He said that I put my everything into our relationship and he did not. He said he treated me the way "no human being deserved" and that he hated himself every day for it. He treated me that way because of my weight gain, but not because of how I looked. While I gained weight, I stayed attractive, but just the fact that I had gained/was gaining made him angry and he used that anger as a reason for treating me poorly and he was wrong.

Leaving, for him, was not about my bad behavior, but about him taking a step to finally like himself. He said that now he wakes up every day and he feels good about himself because he doesn't have to treat me poorly or hurt me. Despite how it might sound, this is truly his reality and truth.

I think this was why I had such a hard time identifying what I had done that I could change to make the M better, one of the basics of DB'ing and any sort of marital recovery.

So, where I go from here, I'm not sure.

Me: 33, H: 32
M: 12 years T: 13 years
No kids
D-Day: 7/2009
Separated: 10/12/10
Future Unknown
GITS

"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele