Good early morning BITS - well its 3:30 AM and I am up again pondering life and a few of its mysteries, which for the most of us include our sitch in either a D or S. I have now been S for 5 months and it is easily the hardest thing I have even been thru. I was reading this series of posts and wanted to share this with you all.
FIGHT OR FLIGHT - that's is what I am studying now in our church's Men's Skills Class - it really is a great class - 12 week program to figure out just how weird we all are and what we can and should be doing about it (men DO change ladies - I know - shocking !!!!!!). As I read the posts here is what came screaming thru to me
He (she) did this or that and I reacted like this or that, or I wanted to do this or that but I didn't (and am glad that I didn't) or I did (and I am sorry that I did), etc etc etc. We are all examining "cause and effect" here or put another way FIGHT OR FLIGHT - it is a natural response built into our brains. I am giving you a link to a Youtube presentation on what is called the Amygdala Hijack - and it explains it very well in my opinion. This Amygdala Hijack is something that I learned about in this week's Mens Skills class and it is really fascinating and in my opinion accurate. The Amygdala is a part of the brain that causes us to react to exterior stimulation and then results in us either fighting against it - or running from it. This is a "natural" instinct - its like this "what would we do if a tiger attacked us - would we fight it or run from it". In many instances our spouse is the "tiger" in our life and what they say or do in our life is that emotional stimuli - and how we react to that stimuli is called the Amygdala Hijack. At first I thought this was a bunch of hogwash - but the more I read about it the more I realized how valid this is because I had an Amygdala Hijack experience in my life this past week when the "tiger" attacked my emotions - and my reaction was to "fight" by falling back into old reactions - I failed and just did the "same old thing" when the "tiger" attacked my emotions - and they were fear based decisions - it was not my "rational" brain controlling me, it was my "reptilian brain" that was causing me to dear poorly with the fear of the attack by the "tiger". In this case the tiger was my wife and how she emotionally hurt me.
If you are interested in this, have a look at these links - they are quite excellent
that part of the brain that controls our Emotional Learning and our Emotional Intelligence (something that I sorely lack apparently) is something that we all have and we all react differently to that external "tiger attack". If we can learn more about what those "tiger attacks" are and how we react to them - we can then learn how to react DIFFERENTLY to them the next time they happen - and here is something we can all take to the bank - TIGER ATTACKS WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. The question for us BITS is this, how do we react to them, do we FIGHT or FLIGHT.
The first Youtube video gives some very good suggestions as to what to do during a Tiger Attack, how to understand what is going on in your own Amygdala ( I never even knew the darn thing existed in my brain - but we all have one) and then how to actually prevent the reactions from the attack that we are seeking to change. CHANGE - CHANGE ??????? WHAT US CHANGE ??? - shocking thought I know.
More on this later - but if you are looking for some input as to what happens in your brain when your spouse does "this" or "that" - I recommend you have a read on this stuff.
M-58 W-56 Married 33 years BOMB -Sept/10 Separated 8 months
BITS (of Fruit) Firstlove
"Go Confidently in the direction of YOUR dreams - Live the life you've imagined" - Thoreau
