Not Sure Which Way to Go

[downandoutintn]

Well today W and I had to go to court to deal with the financial situation of all of this. She rode with me downtown (she is scared to drive in big city traffic). When we left the courthouse she wanted to take the long way home so we did. We hung out like really nothing is happening. It was very nice to get to hang out with my best friend again. I know I can't put too much into it.

She brought up the R a few times but nothing to really even mention, but from what she mentioned she is dead set on it. I told her I understood and that I thought we needed the separation.

On the way home we stopped to see my other best friend who passed away almost 8 years ago. She said she wanted us to go see him together one last time. Probably not the best thing for us to do since I am supposed to be keeping positive but I hadn't been there in a long time.

It is so amazing how the emotions of the D are so similar to losing him. The only difference is I know I can't see him again and I can see her but can't have her. (at least for now) I really feel like I am reliving him passing again but this time it is her. When I went to the MC, I told her that and she said she was glad I had said that. She said it is a very similar situation. I think the D is so much harder to deal with emotionally.

I made a few slip ups when she brought up the subject. I told her that I thought the separation was good for the both of us and that maybe one day we may be able to work things out once both of have time to grow.

We went to her Nanny's house to pick up our youngest son and when we were about to leave her Nanny told W that she was so mad at her because we were splitting up. I feel so bad because her whole family is on my side. When we got in the car she said everybody in on "Team down (insert real name here)". I told her that everybody is not on my side they just don't want to see us split up. I said D is a hard thing to deal with and they just hate to see us go through it.

All in all it was a pretty good day with no fighting at all and that was the best part.