Piecing is almost harder than before...

[Bolt]

JTB - Question. Whenever my W and I have R talks, she tells me her feelings, I listen, I validate, sometimes I agree. On occasion, but not always, I try to tell her my perspective (only after I hear her's not while she's talking). Her response is usually something along the lines of: that makes me feel like you're justifying your actions or making excuses or similar. When she says that, I back off. This has lead to a situation where the "blame" is totally on me. She talks about my actions, I validate and we don't ever get into the details of my perspective. If you were to ask her, she would most likely tell you that I am 99% of the cause of our problems. I'll own half or more, but not all.

I'm not sure how/what to do about this. So far, I've just let it go (more eggshell walking), but when she says things that I patently disagree with it seems counter to long term health to just suck it up.

wow wow WOW are we married to the same woman?
Dead on, XYZ. I'm in the exact same spot. I validate like a madman and agree - because I actually do...

BUT I don't own 100% of the problem.

It's also funny because when I do stand up to her now, I get, "Same old Bolt."

That's so funny to me, really. Because old Bolt wouldn't stand to be talked to like this. He would be angry and very defensive. I'd like to think that new bolt is compassionate but also has beliefs still...

Dude, we have to keep each other posted along the way.