I'm not a talker, Denver. Never have been. I actually like listening to people's stories. I have an affinity for old people because they have the best stories. I actually like looking at other people's photos. Me not being a talker, though, has caused big enough issues because when things went South, my H always assumed the worst. So, I HAVE to work on that.
A couple of ideas here:
1) Have you talked to a therapist about this? Maybe you have socializing disorder. One of my friends wives has something like this. Not sure what kind of treatment, if any, there is. But it would be worth knowing.
2) Go take a public speaking class to practice and get more comfortable.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I used to have a huge fear of public speaking, then took a couple of speech classes and cured myself of that. I teach classes in my spare time and don't have an issue with that.
I don't have a fear of speaking, I just don't have a lot to say. I think it's more of a confidence thing with me. I don't think people really give a rat's behind about me and what I think. If I'm around people I'm comfortable with, I'm a lot more talkative. But remember, my relationship went downhill and I wouldn't count my H among the people I was comfortable with. So I kind of got into the I know he doesn't give a rat's behind about what I think, so why bother?
And before you start swinging at me, I am NOT defending my logic, I am just portraying who I was in our marriage when it was starting to fail. It was NOT good nor healthy the things I did.
LOL... that's me LIS. I just think that 'less is more' I guess.
I'm not going to start swinging 2x4s at you ! You were just clarifying
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
What? You have a lot to say here! Lis, I am not saying sit down with your H and tell him a story 6 hours long. I am saying start with one thing and grow from there.
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I don't think people really give a rat's behind about me and what I think.
Really?
How do you know?
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I want my old relationship back
What is stopping you?
I think you know the answer.
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He definitely is walking around like a dog with his tail between his legs. If you ask him right now, EVERYTHING is his fault.
Ego is bruised and you have given him no reason to have his confidence back.
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Of course, everything is not his fault.
Doesn't sound like he knows that.
What is your part in this LIS?
That is where the connection begins to happen.
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What happens when they convince him again?
Friends and family are like boomerangs. If you do what you know you have to do his cheerleading squad can actually be the very thing that helps him come back to you.
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Why did they do it in the first place?
Who cares! The motives are not important only the results. You control the results not them.
Lis I find you fascinating because you come to my thread and others and analyze a sitch and give some really thought provoking advice, yet I come here and instead of falling apart like I do with my own sitch you are able to dissect your sitch very well but you are paralyzed to do anything about it.
I understand why you are guarded with him I think we all do but Rome was not built overnight. You need to start small and go from there, pretend you are posting something, pick one thing and talk about that. You can also just go have a good time with him and avoid the R/M talk all together until you begin to build some comfort level. Until YOU start taking those baby steps you rebuild your M you will be spinning your wheels.
Except Ironman who really should warn me about these comments so I don't choke on my dinner from laughing so hard...
I'm a writer, that's for sure! My dad's an author. Surprised??
2Step, THAT'S my problem, I AM paralyzed. I have told him A LOT about what I felt I did wrong. I did that a lot during this process after I got over myself and stopped making stupid remarks as I wrote above. And even when we talked, I TRIED to do that again. That's where things kind of caught me off guard. Suddenly, he's defending me and everything turned into his fault. Which, as I said, was ridiculous. Now, I know my husband pretty well and I know that he's overcompensating for something that he's not telling me, BUT I started this mess. None of this went down as I expected and I AM paralyzed. We're both taking responsibility and coming up with plans on how to rectify what we felt was wrong, but then the conversation stops there. I am enthralled with some of your threads because I see many of you having "normal" conversations, but that's not happening. Unless we are talking about work, we struggle. It was NEVER like that. You know something, until I just wrote all that down, I guess I didn't realize what was really bothering me. I am all closed up and I can't have a "normal" conversation. It's like I'm with a stranger. I'm CAUSING this. Ugh... back to the drawing board.
Bolt, thank goodness!!!! Someone got the book!!!! Can't wait to chat about it!!!!
