WAW tearing up our family

[ironMan]

Thanks everybody .... V-Day was a rough one.

Denver, yes, you are right ... I can empathize with WAW ... but still ... I'm not running just because its hard. That's not who I am. But it is apparently who she is. So, is it selfish what she's doing? YES .... but, I do understand why she is doing it ... I really do. I still think it is the wrong thing to do.

Karma, yes. You have put into words something I have thought a bunch. And, really ... we're here for ourselves. I'm not staying strong fer her. I'm being the person I want to be. And yes, that is and will be something to be proud of.

2step ...... thanks. I got to vent to my Mom a bit after the truck incident. It was a very hard day. Just feeling like the W really has the opposite of the midas touch. Everything she touches turns to turds right now. Good thing for me she hasn't touched me in months eh? :-)

But I did handle it well. I didn't say anything besides making sure that everybody was ok. She felt bad enough, and didn't need me to add to it.

[ironMan]

Denver did remind me of something by what he typed on his thread

.... I made W feel like she was dumber than me, her job wasn't as important because she makes a lot less $$, and I really did get tired of hearing about all the drama at work ... and I tried to fix all of it and when she didn't take any of my fixing advice I would get mad.

She just wanted me to listen ...... and I'm good at that now ... and I'm doing that now. But, I shouldn't have made her feel bad and I did.

[ironMan]

So, Monday was the Bday + truck fiasco.

Yesterday, I let W know that I'd be home late because I was going to do some work on a side project with a buddy of mine.

She called 4 times during that to tell me various things and texted 4 times.

I got home at 10, and did some things upstairs before going down to where she was.

I let her know that I'd be out late again tomorrow night because it was my last week at this job and I was going to have dinner with all my colleagues on Weds night. She was shocked and a bit miffed. And, I didn't care.... previously I would've been torn up by upsetting her and having to be away from her and the baby. But, being away from somebody who wants to leave you really isn't very hard. GAL-ing is fun!!

We talked and visited very nicely for 30 mins or so. I kept having to pause the TV so she could talk to me.

Then, I told her I was going to bed.

I have been controlling pretty much every interaction. I can tell it has her on her heels. And, whatever comes of this ... I feel pretty good and DB-ing and reclaiming my masculine energy has saved me.

[2stepboogie]

I kept having to pause the TV so she could talk to me.

My W use to want to talk to me about things when we were watching TV. During commercials she would be silent but as soon as the show started she wanted to start talking almost as if she was thinking during commercials and wanted to let it out during the movie or show. I would get so annoyed. If it was to happen today I would turn the TV off and listen. When I listen to what she has to say I am giving her 20, 30 ,40 minutes of my life I am giving her love. I tell you this because when my W wanted to leave at first I was angry then I was desperate then I was indifferent. She needed me more than I needed her.

Sometimes it is harder when you are with your W in the house I would hate to see you get to the point of the actual separation and say "damn I should of done this or that"

You understand my meaning?

[ironMan]

I got ya, 2step. Totally.

That's why I Was cautious to pause it. And aknowledge her and when she said sorry to interrupt I made it clear it was fine.

I was intentionally careful about this, 2step. I know exactly what you mean.

[Denver_2010]

I kept having to pause the TV so she could talk to me.

Ironman... I used to do this exact same thing. It's weird how the W always wants to talk during the actual show and NOT the commercials... but I digress...

Can I suggest something to you here?

Don't pause the t.v. Turn your attention completely away from the t.v. and to your W while she is talking to you. When you pause the t.v., your W may perceive that as she is bothering you and that you are more interested whatever television show that you are watching.

Do me a favor and record whatever show that it is so you can go back and watch it later.

Our W's deserve our attention guys. It seems that in many of our sitch's, mine most definitely, this was a major issue that has led us to this board. Let's learn from it!

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Denver

[ironMan]

Yes, you guys are right.

I err on the side of being in control lately. I will do that, for all of us.

I'll tell you how it goes.

:-)

[2stepboogie]

your W may perceive that as she is bothering you

May?

she said sorry to interrupt

There is no may about it.

[ironMan]

Just journaling.

W again 2 nights ago told me that "karma is paying her back". I told her that must not be fun. We talked a bit, and she was really convinced that the universe was getting her back. I'm not sure what she would think she did to deserve this.

Last night, I had my last dinner with my co-workers as this is my last week at this job.

I got home at 10:30. I didn't let her know when I would be home. I used to ALWAYS let her know where I was and what I was up to. Not letting her know what I'm up to causes me to have anxiety ... but ... I am getting better at just living for me and my D. Its not my responsibility to keep my W happy anymore. She is her problem.

When I got home, I went downstairs and she was watching a movie. I sat there for a minute and she pouted. Previously, I would've asked her what was wrong, and tried to fix problems for her, to make her happy.

I just let her mope. After a bit, I asked her how her day went since asking her about work and really listening has been very effective in warming her towards me.

She was all pissy and said she didn't want to talk about. So, I kept my mouth shut until movie was over. Then, I told her I was going to bed. She then kind of whimpered "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude I just didn't want to talk about my day". I warmly said it was ok .... no worries and went to bed.

Last time she acted like this was right before she told me that she was worried she was making a mistake in leaving. Strange things are happening because I'm truly happy right now and she isn't. But what's this? I thought I was the problem in her life?

[Denver_2010]

But what's this? I thought I was the problem in her life?

That's right Ironman... let her figure it out. She's processing. And you're doing great man!

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Denver