Happy New Year...so many ups and downs for all of us this past year..let's hope for calmer days ahead...
I have been doing so much thinking...that the time maybe has come to let my h go.....to talk to him about proceededing with d if that is what he wants.....I have been thinking about where I could move..as I don't want to stay in the house that we built our lives and raised our kids..I mentioned this to him awhile back..that I did not think I wanted to stay here..he asked why, I did not say the whole reason, but suspect he could figure it out.
I was just reading my horoscope and some tarot cards..and they said to not make rash deccisions right now as I am tired and feel like I have been pulled too thin...WOW...while I don't really believe these tings, they seemed to fit how I feel. I try to hash over last conversation with h about me not wanting d, and he did not say for sure that that is what he realy wants..we just don't talk about anything..I have done a better job of detaching, and it bothers me that I am feeling better about letting go..not having to talk to him, call him, see him...I am tired..so will see what developes over the coming weeks..
The real truth is I don't want to lose this m, but I have run out of things to do except to be myself..and act as if..
You talk about what you think he wants, but what about you? What do you want and how can you go about getting it? You have been so patient with him, have you asked him out for a date? Start courting him? Would that be different? fun? What goals do you have for yourself for the new year?
HI...thanks for checking in on me...I am feeling like I am in a slump of some sort...holiday blues..unsure of where my life is going blues..work stress...who knows. I do not seem to feel like doing anything as far as my m is involved.
I know I have said this a million times over the past year or so, but I will say it again..nd maybe someone can whack me with a 2x4..but if my h has made it fairly clear about a d..even if down the road a bit, he did not ask me to the church staff party, and his work post Christmas pasrty is in a few weeks, and I am not included..then WHY would I make any efforts to court him, ask him on a date??? I know all about dbing...But I am tired...I really don't want to lose the m, but I am falling into the "I don't see any other way" mode...and I know that is not good. I am afraid if I call and ask him out he will think that I just don't get it..I know this man for 25 years I have known him.. I di not even have any reason to call him all week..have not seen or talked to him since he came over last Sat. and played games with other people here. Wait..on Wed at our church dinner he did come over and sit at my table for a few minutes and chatted with the group there..guess that he did not have to..oh and while in the kitchen there cleaning he appeared before choir practice and we chatted..OMG..am I missing things here????Whack......he would not have to would he........why can't I see these litle things..because as i said before..I am tired..physically and emotionally...work is so stressful, and I am not sleeping that great.
I need to refoccus on what is important..ME..before it gets out of hand. I am so glad that I came here to vent..and to reawaken that there are little signs of hope all over the place.
I am going to make an effort tomorrow at church to talk to h..maybe he needs to know that I am not always doing as great as everyone thinks or tells him I am..that I am hurting right now..that I need a friend right now.
I understand the hurting and need a friend bit. I wish they could just make up their minds, or we could. I guess I'm just throwing out ideas to shake things up a bit, to go after what you want, instead of letting him dictate the terms.
But, since I waffle at everything in my own life, I don't know any clear course of action, but to follow your heart and go after what you want.
Jackie...just posted on your thread..thanks for checking in..I know the wanting thing..I know I want my m to survive..but I am lost at what to do next..since he said I need to do the "legal thing", I have not made many calls to him..invited him over or any of that..is that dbing? Probably not..but I don't want to force stuff on him..make him feel like I am trying to hold on...I took off my rings yesterday..I don't "feel " married anymore..got myself a beautiful sapphire with diamonds to replace it..sat at church dinner tonight with h, and I almost tried to hide it...would he notice..don't know..he seems to be avoiding me..we seem to be drifting even further apart..not much ro say when we do see each other...I sound like I am giving up..maybe it is time to..don't know.
