As the Bolt Turns

[Bolt]

I LOVE the new guy that you have become. So stop thinking that. This tough guy exterior that you used to portray... the one who could just say screw it, I can find someone better, is not a good person. YOU, Bolt, are a GREAT person. Now, that doesn't mean that if you decide it's not working for you, that you're a bad person. If you do decide that, you are doing that with a lot of love and introspection in your heart. But, I don't think that is what you want. All you want is to stop the pain. Understand what is motivating you and your feelings right now: pain. Pain is an effective motivator, however, it yields bad results. Let putting your marriage back together be your motivator.

LOTS of great stuff. You have definitely helped me out of this funk. And you're right. Pain is the motivator right now. I can't stop thinking about certain things that she said instead of OTHER things she said. I will reevaluate for sure. Not sleeping and feeling like crap doesn't help..

oh and we have to show the house in a bit too...eeep...

Do you detach more? Yes, but I don't think in the way you think. I mean I am pretty concerned you are saying you've lost your identity. Does that mean that you've wrapped your entire self and sense of being around saving your marriage? If so, then yes, you need to work on that and detach yourself from the outcome. Do you detach in that you distance yourself from your W? I don't think that is the right thing to do. She's insecure and she's lost and I don't see how doing that is going to help. You can still give her space while making sure that your thoughts, words and actions are always conveying that you are there for her.

I'm so glad you're here to say that. I needed to hear that from your perspective. That's exactly what I want to do. Give her space but still be that man that I KNOW she will slowly fall in love with.

Maybe this is that test. Can I still be that man through the hard times? Right now, I'm not BUT it's with you guys so she can't see it. I will work through this so when I do see her, she sees positive Bolt. Strong Bolt.

Will you do me a favor? Go buy a book called Hold Me Tight. I'm reading it right now as it was one that was suggested on the Piecing Forum. It is providing me a lot of insight about what caused the breakdown, about patterns of conflict and about building the bridges back.

LIS

Thanks a ton, LIS. I will check out that book. I need all the help I can get.