Upset

[Queen_of_Swords]

Authentically, unconditionally warmly, affectionately, sexually.

What does unconditionally mean?

For me unconditionally means to love someone for themselves. Their essence.
Not in what they can do for you ( although the 5 love langues are about showing and living that love daily.)

That's not what I've been taught I've been taught that one sided love is not love at all. It is obsession and unhealthy for the giver, you can't build a bridge from one side.

We have been taught lots of things in our life and it is the disapointment of what we were taught to be true that is the source of a lot of discontent in M.

True enough.

There is a R called codependent when one perosn becomes intwined in the total welfare of another THAT is unhealthy.

Yes, and I admit our relationship was one of co-dependancy on both our parts.

By your definition Jesus was unhealthy.

Yes, in the end it killed him.

If you give love and expect it to return some value to you then you WILL suffer.

What's the point in staying then? You're rejected and unwanted. Your love isn't valued, YOU aren't valued. You don't reject them, you just cease putting your attention and energy there and fade to black.

So you rely on someone else to value how much your love is worth. What is it worth to you? Only what you can trade it for?

The love I have to give is a gift of inestimable value. For the person that does not want it, it is valueless, and then my evaluation only holds true for me.

it will also mean any love and warmth I hold for him matters not AT ALL.

Only if you choose to see it that way.

Let me rephrase that, it doesn't matter to him at all. Why would it?

When you run away, no amount of love that's given to you can help you, you've also abandoned and run from it. You've also tried to run from yourself.
We who do love can't chase you either.

I thought you said you gave up being general manager of the universe?

Yep. Which is why I don't chase. Which is why I let out my pain, confusion and grief here.
As much as I want to fix this, as much as I want to heal his pain, as much as I have the ability and resources to help him...in chasing he only runs harder, not realising it isn't me he fears. God can help him, or another fearless independant third party. I cannot.

Do you know what he is thinking and feeling? Does it really matter if it reaches him right now or later. When he decides to see you differently. What matters is YOUR choice. So don't do it for him

No Truegritter, I don't know what he thinks or feels. He is not transparent or trusting of me. He hides behinds walls of silence and indifference.
I think the fact I have changed and I am different since he met and married that young, fresh thing I was, scares him more than anything. He taken my preferred choices away Truegritter.
All that's left is to stand and fight and make this difficult and painful for us both in the divorce courts, or to aquiesce to what he wants and make things easy.

Do it becuase it is what you believe and value. Part of this, the most important part Scylla, is figuring out what that is for you.

Working on it, and I am at war with myself much of the time because of the hard questions you ask. It would be much easier to close this door, and pretend and act as if he's dead to me.

Then the mystery disolves. The paradox is solved.

Becuase when you know that you cannot fail.

Oh I so disagree with you here. We've been told and taught so many lies, finding the truth is like running a complicated maze.
Lest you think I'm just arguing for the sake of arguing with you Truegritter, I'm not. This is how my thought process is working (or not working) right now. I am a mess.

See previous entry.

I am not here to argue the origin of the universe Scylla.

I am here to guide you along a path that we who take the time to give back here have walked.

I appreciate that, and I have come to an incomplete undertanding of sorts. There is a flicker at the edge of my awareness that has yet to become fully bright.

And you know how I know what I am telling you is the truth?

You have personal experience in this department. I don't know it's the truth, but it is what you know in YOUR heart, that's enough for me.

Becuase when you get to the end of your journey or at least this part of it you know that there is no other answer.

The people posting to you helped me to learn it. and unlearn all the false thinking that kept me from the knowledge of my own truth.

Know this. You will not see it until you let your anger and resentment go. Until you understand your love is worth the most when it costs nothing.

THAT is indeed a different way of thinking.

I will meditate on this Truegritter. For now I don't completely understand it.