Stuck Like "Crazy" Glue

[ScaredinCanada]

So we got into some R talk last night, after W made some comments to the kids about "not being able to afford the house". D5 said, "I love my room and I love my house and I'm never going to leave it."

After we got the kids to bed we started chatting a bit. W seemed really interested to engage in conversation, but seemed to struggle with her words. I was trying to just listen, but I was trying to help the sitch progress. A couple times instead validating, and "interpreted" what she said in a negative way (I need to stop doing this).

She then said, "I thought you were fine with this, you were going to help me pick out a house?" To which I responded, "I said I was content with it, that if this is what had to happen I would do my best to support you - with the understanding that it's not my desired outcome, that I still want us to be together and work through the issues together and build a better stronger R"

She just told me again that it's a real struggle for her, because she doesn't love me and believes she'll never love me, because she doesn't believe she was ever in love with me. She said she wanted to leave me when were dating, but that she was scared to leave because she was worried I'd hurt myself. I validated all of this and said I felt bad that she felt that way.

I told her that it's obviously not the way I am now, but she said she stills fears that it's the way I will react. She said she has no desire to ML to me or even touch me, because she so angry that I didn't deal with my mother and way she treated my W. She said she'll never forgive, doesn't believe she can. I just told her I cannot believe that she means that, because I forgave her when she cheated on me and I've been taking the necessary steps to address the issues with my mother. I acknowledged that it's not going to change over night, but I'll continue to work on it.

She was telling me that she doesn't know how to even go about falling in love with me that she can't just snap her fingers and love me again, she said she has no desire to go out with just me. She sums the issues as "Your just SIC, you annoy me, and I can't stand you, you never came to bed unless you wanted sex, or you were always on the computer or watching sports". At this point I struggled to keep my emotions and actually snapped at her a bit, because of her steadfast attitude.

She mentioned that I don't listen to her, that I cut her off and I turn her words around to mean whatever I want. I told her I didn't mean to but the sitch had made it hard for me to control my emotions at times. She also said after she said that she didn't love me or want me, that she couldn't understand how a person could still be in love the person when they were telling them these things.

I told her I wasn't sure, but that I did know that I did still love her, our family and our life together and that I want to fix the issues that have impacted on our R so that we can a loving and healthy R.

She said, I'm sure you do but I just don't believe it. She said "You'll probably go out there and meet someone else and be amazing husband to them." She also said that she is really struggling with this because she loves our family dynamic, the family vacations and the times we go out as a family are really good.

She just she has no desire to be with me...

I'm hurting pretty good here, so please don't rip me up for some of my mis-steps. I know I made some mistakes, and will be better next time we talk.

I struggle to understand what kind of long-term effects going through a sitch like this can have on someone?

Even though she re-iterated a lot of the negative things, I can still see how much she struggles with what she is doing. How do I proceed, as it seems my "supportive" attitude only lead her to believe things would be easier, that I wasn't trying to stop her and in the end I don't see how that helps me.

Not sure what's next here. Probably do my best to lie low tonight, going to try and take the girls swimming hopefully get out of the house tonight.

SIC