Positively moving forward

[awest1217]

Thanks K.

Well I talked to my L and I was a little upset when we hung up. She is a straight talker and I told her that I am ok with more parenting time for H, but he never takes the opportunit. I told her that I don't mind less child support, but he doesn't have S much and H doesn't go to his place, but to his parents so he isn't paying anything (yes I am glad S goes to my in-laws instead of with OW and H, but financially it is not fair and honestly in the long run it will be harder on S to transition to a new house again since he is finally enjoying staying with Daddy). I said I don't like how H wants me to take on all the loss if I have to sell the house, and I said how I don't think it is fair that H gets to claim S every other year on taxes even though H isn't paying more than 10% of the costs.

What L told me is that with the taxes there is nothing I can do. The courts will make me give over my tax exemption or make me pay him for it, although federally it says it is the right of the custodial parent. She said in my county that is what happens and I won't get anything. She also said splitting loss should be ok, but it just sounded a downer.

Then I got the letter she wrote to H's L, and I was reminded why I have her. She said that I was willing for more parenting time, if H actually pursues it. She also said I am willing to credit H with the time, but only part of the credit because he is at his parents house. She also said H is not proving with his actions waht he is requesting because of H going to Disney over Father's Day. She also said he need to disclose all of his income because I feel he is not being honest (he's not) and it hurts the process. Finally she said I would get the first 4 years to claim S then H and I would alternate until S is 18 since I will be paying his tuition. She said this was to account for the first 5 months where H didn't help me out at all when he left. She said if he doesn't want this then he will have to pay me money to help with the mortgage or go back to my original proposal.

She said I am wanting to be flexible with H financially and with his time.

I am a little worried now. Everything is true, but I hate confrontation. I just want this over with easily. H doesn't know I know about Disney or about his second job. I also feel like it was written a little mean, but it needs to be. I know that I have to deal with H for the rest of S's life and we have always worked well together. I don't want things to get mean. However, I have forgiven and not brought up a lot of these things because it is better for S if we are amicable, and it doesn't want to do with S much so no need to fight and make things weird. I don't want to be friends, but I don't want H to be mean now or S to suffer either. I am just nervous, but I was when the first proposal was sent to H. I have always not let my personal feelings about H get in the way of how we interact with S, and I hope that H will do the same. Just so nervous...

Tomorrow is my last day of the week then a 4 day weekend. Tomorrow I might have some of S's friends spend the night, then Friday he is supposed to be with H (H and I switched weekends, and hopefully he remembers, but I will check with him today) and I have a girl's night. Saturday is normal stuff and the same with Sunday. Then Monday I have off again