As the Bolt Turns

[Bolt]

Bolt,

How are you doing today? Yours was the first thread I read when I first got up this morning. Been thinking about how to respond.

Your reactions, your feelings, they are all normal. I'm not going to talk you out of them. You are trying to protect yourself and that's ok.

I really suggest, though, that you slow things down a bit. Not just with your interactions with your W, I mean in your mind also. You have to be ready that things like yesterday might happen again, but it is not all gloom and doom. It's just a part of the process. People get stuck in these cycles that they find very difficult to get out of. Your W is stuck in one of those cycles. And I agree she might be disillusioned about what love is. But, she is acting mostly on impulse right now... she doesn't realize that she is stuck in a cycle. She is not as mindful of her feelings, actions, interactions as you are because you are a lot more educated in this process. I'll tell you for me, I'm stuck in cycle behavior too. I got into detach mode too well and now I am stuck trying to get out of it in reaction to my H's request for reconciliation. I was not ready. It's the same thing with your W.


LIS

Thanks a ton, LIS. I hope I can repay the support once I get in a little better place. Being sick and having this happen is slowly destroying me.

The question I have is do I detach? I'm afraid to right now because if I do, I'm afraid I'll become the WAS. I'm getting tired of fighting - feeling so close to just working through it and then have the news come from her.

Right now the only thing I'm thinking about is what she said about me being her best friend. I'm scared to death that no matter what happens, I will never be her lover/husband again. I'm not sure I can bring those loving feelings back.

You are right and I am going to do it - giving space. But that comes with detachment. My way of dealing with that is to remove my feelings for her because I felt we were going down the right path.

Am I thinking too much? I'm trying to slow down but man, it's hard.

I really want to continue what I was doing minus the smothering part. It makes me so mad that I have to work out of my home now. I thought that by being around my family would make us stronger. It has made me and the kids stronger but because of the last few weeks, I've been very focused on the W...

I NEED to focus on me but right now, I don't know how. I've totally lost my identity recently. It's funny because just the other day, I was digging this new guy I'm becoming. Right now? I hate him...